I always said if I could figure out a way to grow Kleenex and toilet paper on trees, we could pull the plug on society.

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

If you can market smut and toilet paper, you can market movies.

Please wipe your vagina good and wash it good. There is nothing more unattractive then your man finding toilet paper crumbs in your vagina.

I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.

If you're embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don't forget the toilet paper.