He said I'm the winning lottery ticket, like he's never meant anything more.

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

I wish I could line up naked the men I've slept with and just gloat for a hot minute. Beautiful creatures.

People thought this would be an award show -- but we couldn't get anybody to open up the envelopes. I've been backstage at a lot of rock concerts, and I've never seen musicians run away from white powder before!

I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right.

She lives like tomorrow isn't coming and yesterday never happened.