Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other

Golf is tiddlywinks played while standing up and and wearing a hat

Exercise? I get in on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right to be, that they're all asleep at the switch. Consequently we are living in the Age of Human Error.

Golf always makes me so damned angry