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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


Anonymous

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ANONYMOUS Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
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ANONYMOUS Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
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ANONYMOUS How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
ANONYMOUS Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
ANONYMOUS Smile while you still have teeth.
ANONYMOUS Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
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ANONYMOUS Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
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ANONYMOUS I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
ANONYMOUS True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
ANONYMOUS Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
ANONYMOUS Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
ANONYMOUS Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
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ANONYMOUS When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
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ANONYMOUS My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
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ANONYMOUS I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
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ANONYMOUS Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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ANONYMOUS I can't wait for that to never happen.
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ANONYMOUS Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
ANONYMOUS