Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no difference so [long as] you happen to hit it just right. But there's one thing I'm proud of -- I ain't got it in for anybody. I don't like to make jokes that hurt anybody.