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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.


Mark Twain

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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no h...
MARK TWAIN The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
MARK TWAIN There is no humor in heaven.
MARK TWAIN I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin...
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters.
JEFFREY FRY Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll li...
DICK VAN DYKE There is truth in humor, but not humor in truth.
UNKNOWN Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'l...
DICK VAN DYKE sometimes the most simple things in the world can be the most beautiful.
ROWENA BEAUMONT CHERRY This is the sixty-nine,” I told him,
presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my finger...
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER My eyes hurt... but there is something more... I can't stop listening to horror.... now I am going t...
DEYTH BANGER The secret to humor is surprise.
ARISTOTLE The secret of my success is my hairspray.
RICHARD GERE The hall-mark of American humor is its pose of illiteracy.
RONALD KNOX The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, ...
MARK TWAIN Money is not everything.
BEN OAK When carrying the burden of problems and stress that life seems to endlessly hurtle towards us. We g...
GARY F EVANS... To have hope in an age where hope is very scarce and hurt, jealousy and pain are more prominent is a...
GARY F EVANS... Truth metastasized into lurid fantasy.
F. MULDER There's always a source for humor.
CALVIN TRILLIN There is something in sorrow more akin to the course of human affairs than joy.
C. FITZHUGH This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section.
JOHN CALLAHAN Humor is... despair refusing to take itself seriously.
ARLAND USSHER Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic i...
VICTOR BORGE Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic i...
VICTOR BORGE I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to...
MORT SAHL Our life is a series of moments. Let them all go. Moments. All gathering towards this one.
NOW IS GOOD Humor is everywhere in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.
BILL NYE Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more log...
VICTOR BORGE Humor reminds you, when you're flattened by sorrow, that you're still human.
ELIZABETH MCCRACKEN Einmal hat ihm einer im Schlaf die Schuhe ausgezogen, reingeschissen und wieder angezogen. Um diese ...
HEINZ STRUNK But I do not do these things because we are a family. I do them because they are common decencies. T...
JOHNATHAN SAFRAN FOER He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as sim...
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER Our love was the affliction for which only our love was the cure.
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER They do not desire anything more than everything they have known.
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER What is being awake if not interpreting our dreams, or dreaming if not interpreting our wake?
JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
EDWARD DE BONO Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain
EDWARD DE BONO Hiding in all the thorns, there is a yellow rose.
BEN OAK Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdo...
MARK TWAIN The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda.
JOHN C. MAXWELL There is no greater sorrow then to recall our times of joy in wretchedness.
DANTE ALIGHIERI I like humor: the sort of gentle humor that points out human foibles.
ED GREENWOOD There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor.
THOMAS W. HIGGINSON Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.
BILL NYE No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.
SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it.
MALCOLM MUGGERIDGE For there is but one problem - the problem of human relations. We forget that there is no hope or jo...
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY The secret of my success is a two word answer: Know people.
HARVEY S. FIRESTONE The secret to success is to own nothing, but control everything.
NELSON ROCKEFELLER I, Mark Twain being of sound mind, have spent everything
MARK TWAIN There is no hope of joy except in human relations.
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY The main thing is still the humor. . . getting the jokes out there. Music is just something were fai...
CHRIS PATTERSON Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN WADE Humor has always been important to me. If there is a shield of faith that you can keep up against di...
LAUREL LEE If the best is possible, than good is never enough and only do the best.
ROBERT SIAHAAN There is no joy except in human relationships
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY Timing is everything.
MOLLY SIMS Timing is everything.
TOMMY SHAW One thing my family has shown me is that having a sense of humor is everything.
ZOEY DEUTCH Joy exists. Hardships pass. Look for humor, learn to laugh. Life is what you focus on.
NATASHA VANDERLINDEN George Harrison: The day after the Blue Angel audition, John showed up to rehearsal with a long list...
ALAN GOLDSHER Today A woman is one who tries to bring a man down. A man is one who has to keep that woman in check...
APURVA GAGLANI It is so fascinating that when after a hard stressful day we calm our mind and release the stress fr...
GARY F EVANS... There is a joy in sorrow which none but a mourner can know.
JEAN PAUL RICHTER I think the scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor.
MICHAEL J. FOX Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery ...
ARISTOTLE Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery ...
ARISTOTLE He rarely saw a doorway without advancing through it as if he owned it. Since he owned a good many d...
ELOISA JAMES There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has nev...
SINCLAIR LEWIS There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has nev...
SINCLAIR LEWIS Mark Twain is as big as America. He really is.
VAL KILMER Humor is consistent with pathos, whilst wit is not.
SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humo...
FREEMAN DYSON To my mind, a well-developed sense of humor is the surest indication of a person's humanity, no matt...
THOMAS LIGOTTI Please be SILENT and LISTEN.
I am the SCHOOLMASTER
and you are in the CLASSROOM.
Just...
PSEUDONYMOUS BOSCH Wit penetrates; humor envelops. Wit is a function of verbal intelligence; humor is imagination ope...
PEGGY NOONAN Wit penetrates; humor envelops. Wit is a function of verbal intelligence; humor is imagination opera...
PEGGY NOONAN The dark today leads into light tomorrow; There is no endless joy, ...and yet no endless sorrow.
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
SHORT QUOTES That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A. WHITNEY BROWN Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM Cynicism is the humor of hatred.
SIR HERBERT BEERBOHM TREE Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world. So if it is correct to say that humor was sta...
LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN There is BEAUTY in every1, every-thing, every-place.All of life is either LOVE or a call for love. U...
ANGIE KARAN Humor and joy contribute to my total well-being.
LOUISE L. HAY Sorrow is brief but joy is endless
FRIEDRICH VON SCHILLER Just a moment ago, I was thinking of postponing my dream for tomorrow, but I decided to take a look ...
PHILIP T. M. To search the sands of a lost desert for truth and justice in this world today you might as well be ...
GARY F EVANS... To paraphrase Mark Twain, our demise is greatly exaggerated.
CHRIS DONLAY God’s blessings do not carry within them any sorrow, they are a source of true joy
SUNDAY ADELAJA We all want to trust someone ,but we all think that what we see is real and the truth but if we trul...
GARY F EVANS... Cynicism is humor in ill health.
H. G. WELLS Cynicism is humor in ill health.
H. G. [HERBERT GEORGE] WELLS Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel w...
YODA There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
CHARLES DICKENS Humor is the sunshine of the mind
EDWARD G. BULWER-LYTTON You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unb...
WHY YAWNING IS CONTAGIOUS Be original, be yourself, be you.
ELISE R MAUDE IS It is the saying of an ancient sage that humor was the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor.
LORD SHAFTESBURY

More Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
MARK TWAIN My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
MARK TWAIN Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
MARK TWAIN It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure tha...
MARK TWAIN The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
MARK TWAIN India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India ...
MARK TWAIN Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
MARK TWAIN I never let schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
MARK TWAIN Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
MARK TWAIN The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed rig...
MARK TWAIN There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
MARK TWAIN In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
MARK TWAIN Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here firs...
MARK TWAIN But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one...
MARK TWAIN The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
MARK TWAIN The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
MARK TWAIN Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of ti...
MARK TWAIN It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
MARK TWAIN The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evil.
MARK TWAIN Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
MARK TWAIN Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
MARK TWAIN Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
MARK TWAIN Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
MARK TWAIN There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
MARK TWAIN Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
MARK TWAIN Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside...
MARK TWAIN Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
MARK TWAIN The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
MARK TWAIN Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
MARK TWAIN I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
MARK TWAIN The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
MARK TWAIN All generalizations are false, including this one.
MARK TWAIN 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a ba...
MARK TWAIN The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
MARK TWAIN Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
MARK TWAIN If I owned half of that dog, I would shoot my half.
MARK TWAIN What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed ...
MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. B...
MARK TWAIN When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victorymu...
MARK TWAIN The teacher reminded us that Romes liberties were not auctioned off in a day, but were bought slowly...
MARK TWAIN By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfec...
MARK TWAIN So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.
MARK TWAIN The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes...
MARK TWAIN We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in itand stop there; lest w...
MARK TWAIN The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large mattertis the diff...
MARK TWAIN Say the report is exaggerated.
MARK TWAIN A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will ...
MARK TWAIN To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman.
MARK TWAIN I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than ...
MARK TWAIN A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; t...
MARK TWAIN Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the st...
MARK TWAIN Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred mi...
MARK TWAIN Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to...
MARK TWAIN We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead -- and not then ...
MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people...
MARK TWAIN Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find...
MARK TWAIN Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood...
MARK TWAIN As to the adjective, when in doubt strike it out.
MARK TWAIN I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshol...
MARK TWAIN Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than...
MARK TWAIN The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without burst...
MARK TWAIN When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
MARK TWAIN All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
MARK TWAIN The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do wh...
MARK TWAIN To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand ...
MARK TWAIN Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
MARK TWAIN It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal...
MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired
MARK TWAIN It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.
MARK TWAIN Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
MARK TWAIN Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting...
MARK TWAIN To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
MARK TWAIN Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
MARK TWAIN The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itse...
MARK TWAIN Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would ...
MARK TWAIN There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry.
MARK TWAIN The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things tha...
MARK TWAIN Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled
MARK TWAIN Necessity is the mother of "taking chances"
MARK TWAIN Distance lends enchantment to the view
MARK TWAIN Be good and you will be lonesome.
MARK TWAIN Chastity - you can carry it too far
MARK TWAIN To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler--and less trouble.
MARK TWAIN Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in it...
MARK TWAIN Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
MARK TWAIN When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.
MARK TWAIN There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many...
MARK TWAIN Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you.
MARK TWAIN I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and lookin...
MARK TWAIN Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would...
MARK TWAIN Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relati...
MARK TWAIN Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material...
MARK TWAIN There is a great deal of human nature in people.
MARK TWAIN If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
MARK TWAIN There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
MARK TWAIN The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monot...
MARK TWAIN Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
MARK TWAIN Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat...
MARK TWAIN It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts th...
MARK TWAIN Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement,...
MARK TWAIN Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of t...
MARK TWAIN Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
MARK TWAIN Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.
MARK TWAIN We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him.
MARK TWAIN O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover th...
MARK TWAIN A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
MARK TWAIN Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so,...
MARK TWAIN There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to...
MARK TWAIN I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treas...
MARK TWAIN Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich...
MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide i...
MARK TWAIN Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us...
MARK TWAIN Intellectual work is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.
MARK TWAIN Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
MARK TWAIN I do not like work even when someone else does it.
MARK TWAIN Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not oblig...
MARK TWAIN Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
MARK TWAIN Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.
MARK TWAIN No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
MARK TWAIN We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether th...
MARK TWAIN Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True ...
MARK TWAIN When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
MARK TWAIN Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
MARK TWAIN Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
MARK TWAIN We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the hum...
MARK TWAIN There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
MARK TWAIN I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he...
MARK TWAIN There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were...
MARK TWAIN People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
MARK TWAIN My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water.
MARK TWAIN A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table ...
MARK TWAIN When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a te...
MARK TWAIN In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
MARK TWAIN Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evils.
MARK TWAIN His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
MARK TWAIN Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures...
MARK TWAIN All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. ...
MARK TWAIN Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Traini...
MARK TWAIN We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only m...
MARK TWAIN There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.
MARK TWAIN It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech...
MARK TWAIN There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
MARK TWAIN War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has no...
MARK TWAIN There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhe...
MARK TWAIN To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his...
MARK TWAIN One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
MARK TWAIN A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
MARK TWAIN A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
MARK TWAIN I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, b...
MARK TWAIN The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
MARK TWAIN A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversati...
MARK TWAIN Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expe...
MARK TWAIN Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
MARK TWAIN It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
MARK TWAIN Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part cowar...
MARK TWAIN Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro...
MARK TWAIN Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
MARK TWAIN There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it ...
MARK TWAIN I've never let my school interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in al...
MARK TWAIN Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).
MARK TWAIN If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di...
MARK TWAIN A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going...
MARK TWAIN Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiment...
MARK TWAIN Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the ca...
MARK TWAIN If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the r...
MARK TWAIN The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a...
MARK TWAIN Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its...
MARK TWAIN The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
MARK TWAIN Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the reall...
MARK TWAIN If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
MARK TWAIN ′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
MARK TWAIN I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
MARK TWAIN Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Trut...
MARK TWAIN Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
MARK TWAIN A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
MARK TWAIN All right, then, I'll go to hell.
MARK TWAIN The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
MARK TWAIN Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
MARK TWAIN If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.
MARK TWAIN To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it ...
MARK TWAIN Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
MARK TWAIN Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
MARK TWAIN Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
MARK TWAIN I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
MARK TWAIN If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
MARK TWAIN