Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.

The Colonel led all the cheers.
Cornbread!" he screamed.
CHICKEN!" the crowd responded.
Rice!"
PEAS!"
And then, all together: "WE GOT HIGHER SATs."
Hip Hip Hip Hooray!" the Colonel cried.
YOU'LL BE WORKIN' FOR US SOMEDAY!

As long as we don't die, this is gonna be one hell of a story.

You can’t know, sweetie, because you’ve never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.

Yeah, Pudge is adorable / but you want incorrigible / so Jake is more endurable / 'cause he's so - damn. Damn. I almost had four rhymes on adorable. But all I could think of was unfloorable, which isn't even a word." - Takumi

I don't know whether it was the general anxiety of being on a date (albeit one with my would-be date sitting five
people away from me) or the specific anxiety of having the Beast stare in my direction, but for some reason, I took
off running after Takumi. I thought we were in the clear as we began to round the corner of the bleachers, but
then I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a cylindrical orange object getting bigger and bigger, like a fastapproaching
sun.
I thought: / think that is going to hit me.
I thought: J should duck.
But in the time between when something gets thought and when it gets done, the ball hit me square across the
side of the face. I fell, the back of my head slamming against the gym floor. I then stood up immediately, as if
unhurt, and left the gym.
Pride had gotten me off the floor of the gym, but as soon as I was outside, I sat down.
"I am concussed," I announced, entirely sure of my self-diagnosis.
"You're fine," Takumi said as he jogged back toward me. "Let's get out of here before we're killed."
"I'm sorry," I said. "But I can't get up. I have suffered a mild concussion."
Lara ran out and sat down next to me.
"Are you okay?"
"I am concussed," I said.
Takumi sat down with me and looked me in the eye. "Do you know what happened to you?"
"The Beast got me."
"Do you know where you are?"
"I'm on a triple-and-a-half date."
"You're fine," Takumi said. "Let's go."
And then I leaned forward and threw up onto Lara's pants.