As long as we don't die, this is gonna be one hell of a story.

The Colonel led all the cheers.
Cornbread!" he screamed.
CHICKEN!" the crowd responded.
Rice!"
PEAS!"
And then, all together: "WE GOT HIGHER SATs."
Hip Hip Hip Hooray!" the Colonel cried.
YOU'LL BE WORKIN' FOR US SOMEDAY!

You can’t know, sweetie, because you’ve never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.

Yeah, Pudge is adorable / but you want incorrigible / so Jake is more endurable / 'cause he's so - damn. Damn. I almost had four rhymes on adorable. But all I could think of was unfloorable, which isn't even a word." - Takumi

I don't know whether it was the general anxiety of being on a date (albeit one with my would-be date sitting five
people away from me) or the specific anxiety of having the Beast stare in my direction, but for some reason, I took
off running after Takumi. I thought we were in the clear as we began to round the corner of the bleachers, but
then I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a cylindrical orange object getting bigger and bigger, like a fastapproaching
sun.
I thought: / think that is going to hit me.
I thought: J should duck.
But in the time between when something gets thought and when it gets done, the ball hit me square across the
side of the face. I fell, the back of my head slamming against the gym floor. I then stood up immediately, as if
unhurt, and left the gym.
Pride had gotten me off the floor of the gym, but as soon as I was outside, I sat down.
"I am concussed," I announced, entirely sure of my self-diagnosis.
"You're fine," Takumi said as he jogged back toward me. "Let's get out of here before we're killed."
"I'm sorry," I said. "But I can't get up. I have suffered a mild concussion."
Lara ran out and sat down next to me.
"Are you okay?"
"I am concussed," I said.
Takumi sat down with me and looked me in the eye. "Do you know what happened to you?"
"The Beast got me."
"Do you know where you are?"
"I'm on a triple-and-a-half date."
"You're fine," Takumi said. "Let's go."
And then I leaned forward and threw up onto Lara's pants.

Hey Pudge," the Colonel said. "What do you think of a truce?"
"It reminds me of when the Germans demanded that the U.S. surrender at the Battle of the Bulge," I said. "I guess I'd say to this truce offer what General McAuliffe said to that one: Nuts.