Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.


Dorothy Parker

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Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
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Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
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You're totally ducking and weaving.
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Story of my life.
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I tell this story because one little town could change the rules of the state.
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When life gives you lemons, say Fuck that i order apples. Dont take anything but apples.
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I learned there were lots of realities in the world.
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If I were God, it’d be a whole different story, dropping fruit at will. Let them eat apples.
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More Dorothy Parker

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it...
DOROTHY PARKER
You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think.
DOROTHY PARKER
Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter's pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.
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I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
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The friends I made have slipped and strayed.
And who's the one that cares
A trifling lot and...
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Work is the province of cattle.
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Once when I was young and true,
Someone left me sad-
Broke my brittle heart in two;
And ...
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Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch is, and it darts a...
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If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it'...
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This book is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.
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Oh, it is sure as it is sad
That any lad is every lad,
And what's a girl, to dare implore DOROTHY PARKER
I never see the prettiest thing -
A cherry bough gone white with Spring -
But what I think, Ho...
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The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out ...
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The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out o...
DOROTHY PARKER
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
DOROTHY PARKER
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
DOROTHY PARKER
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
...
DOROTHY PARKER
Oh seek, my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday DOROTHY PARKER
If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I...
DOROTHY PARKER
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
DOROTHY PARKER
If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
DOROTHY PARKER
Inventory:

"Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend...
DOROTHY PARKER
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do the...
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There's little in taking or giving
There's little in water or wine
This living, this livin...
DOROTHY PARKER
Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?
DOROTHY PARKER
In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad<...
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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
DOROTHY PARKER
Some men break your heart in two,
Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you; DOROTHY PARKER
All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as if it were a...
DOROTHY PARKER
Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
DOROTHY PARKER
There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply...
DOROTHY PARKER
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a poi...
DOROTHY PARKER
I never thought that heav'n would lose its blue
And sullen storm-clouds mask the gentle sky; DOROTHY PARKER
All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't si...
DOROTHY PARKER
I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken at the calm that know the storm.
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.
DOROTHY PARKER
Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
DOROTHY PARKER
He'd have given me rolling lands,
Houses of marble, and billowing farms,
Pearls, to trickle ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Why is it no one ever sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my ...
DOROTHY PARKER
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infi...
DOROTHY PARKER
Out in Hollywood, where the streets are paved with Goldwyn, the word
DOROTHY PARKER
They laid their hands upon my head,
They stroked my cheek and brow;
And time could heal a hu...
DOROTHY PARKER
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
DOROTHY PARKER
Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.
DOROTHY PARKER
I can't talk about Hollywood. It was a horror to me when I was there and it's a horror to look back ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Gratitude -- the meanest and most sniveling attribute in the world.
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
DOROTHY PARKER
Where's the man could ease a heart, like a satin gown?
DOROTHY PARKER
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
DOROTHY PARKER
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the th...
DOROTHY PARKER
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four...
DOROTHY PARKER
Enjoyed it! One more drink and I'd have been under the host.
DOROTHY PARKER
Drink, and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die! (B...
DOROTHY PARKER
It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
DOROTHY PARKER
He Robert Benchley and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
DOROTHY PARKER
And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned; The calmer, I, to see it tru...
DOROTHY PARKER
Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground al...
DOROTHY PARKER
Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.
DOROTHY PARKER
He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
DOROTHY PARKER
Her mind lives tidily, apart From cold and noise and pain, And bolts the door against her heart, Out...
DOROTHY PARKER
His voice was intimate as the rustle of sheets.
DOROTHY PARKER
Sorrow is tranquillity remembered in emotion.
DOROTHY PARKER
I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicul...
DOROTHY PARKER
Men don't like nobility in woman. Not any men. I suppose it is because the men like to have the cop...
DOROTHY PARKER
Well, there are always those who cannot distinguish between glitter and glamour . . . the glamour of...
DOROTHY PARKER
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
DOROTHY PARKER
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
DOROTHY PARKER
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
DOROTHY PARKER
When your bank account is so overdrawn that it is positively photographic, steps must be taken.
DOROTHY PARKER
Money was made, not to command our will, But all our lawful pleasures to fulfill. Shame and woe to u...
DOROTHY PARKER
Gratitude - the meanest and most snivelling attribute in the world.
DOROTHY PARKER
Scratch a lover, and find a foe.
DOROTHY PARKER
It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.
DOROTHY PARKER
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Misfortune tests friends, and detects enemies
DOROTHY PARKER
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.
DOROTHY PARKER
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
DOROTHY PARKER
Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.
DOROTHY PARKER
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone
DOROTHY PARKER
Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses...
DOROTHY PARKER
I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things....
DOROTHY PARKER
DOROTHY PARKER Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.
DOROTHY PARKER
I never see that prettiest thing-
A cherry bough gone white with Spring-
But what I think,...
DOROTHY PARKER
Résumé
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cau...
DOROTHY PARKER
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out ...
DOROTHY PARKER
The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
DOROTHY PARKER
If all these sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the slightest bit suprised.
DOROTHY PARKER
The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories ...
DOROTHY PARKER
My land is bare of chattering folk;
the clouds are low along the ridges,
and sweet's the air...
DOROTHY PARKER
One more drink and I'll be under the host.
DOROTHY PARKER
Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.
DOROTHY PARKER
I went to a convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Concepti...
DOROTHY PARKER
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is thing that can n...
DOROTHY PARKER
Scratch an actor - and you'll find an actress.
DOROTHY PARKER
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
DOROTHY PARKER
Travel, trouble, music, art,
A kiss, a frock, a rhyme -
I never said they feed my heart, DOROTHY PARKER
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
DOROTHY PARKER
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it wa...
DOROTHY PARKER
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
DOROTHY PARKER
If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high ...
DOROTHY PARKER
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER
I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it.
DOROTHY PARKER
I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -...
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
DOROTHY PARKER
A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
DOROTHY PARKER
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of t...
DOROTHY PARKER
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can...
DOROTHY PARKER
Art is a form of catharsis.
DOROTHY PARKER
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
afte...
DOROTHY PARKER
The two most beautiful words in the English language are: Check Enclosed.
DOROTHY PARKER
If, with the literate, I am/ Impelled to try an epigram,/ I never seek to take the credit;/ We all a...
DOROTHY PARKER
Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

A: You can't hear an enzyme.
DOROTHY PARKER
She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.
DOROTHY PARKER
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
DOROTHY PARKER
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it."
DOROTHY PARKER
Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.
DOROTHY PARKER
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
DOROTHY PARKER
tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!
DOROTHY PARKER
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.
DOROTHY PARKER
He has a capacity for enjoyment so vast that he gives away great chunks to those about him, and neve...
DOROTHY PARKER
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
DOROTHY PARKER
Woman wants monogamy; / Man delights in novelty. / Love is woman's moon and sun; / Man has other for...
DOROTHY PARKER
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
DOROTHY PARKER
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
DOROTHY PARKER
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.
DOROTHY PARKER
I am never going to be famous...I do not do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails,...
DOROTHY PARKER
Excuse my dust
DOROTHY PARKER
Check enclosed.
DOROTHY PARKER
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
DOROTHY PARKER
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know...
DOROTHY PARKER
There is entirely too much charm around, and something must be done to stop it.
DOROTHY PARKER
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
DOROTHY PARKER
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never g...
DOROTHY PARKER
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
DOROTHY PARKER
"The House Beautiful" is the play lousy
DOROTHY PARKER
I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I...
DOROTHY PARKER
And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned.
DOROTHY PARKER
I can't talk about Hollywood. It was a horror to me when I was there and it's a horror to look back ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
DOROTHY PARKER
Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,
Painter or plumber or never-do-well,
Do me a favor and ...
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken of the calm who know the storm.
DOROTHY PARKER
I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't know," she said. "We used to squabble a lot when we were going together and then engaged and...
DOROTHY PARKER
As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.
DOROTHY PARKER
We're glad to have been taken seriously. What we're looking for is that if we walk into a Pick 'n Sa...
DOROTHY PARKER
We wanted corporate to know we expected better.
DOROTHY PARKER
. . . as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a penci...
DOROTHY PARKER
And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the r...
DOROTHY PARKER
[We look like] a road company of the Last Supper.
DOROTHY PARKER
If all the girls who attended the Harvard-Yale game were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised
DOROTHY PARKER
I misremember who first was cruel enough to nurture the cocktail party into life. But perhaps it wou...
DOROTHY PARKER
She (Katherine Hepburn) runs the gamut of emotions from A to B
DOROTHY PARKER
Every love's the love before in a duller dress
DOROTHY PARKER
This living, this living, this living/ Was never a project of mine.
DOROTHY PARKER
The doctors were very brave about it.
DOROTHY PARKER
I want people to learn something they didn't know, ... We hope people have fun and learn about our c...
DOROTHY PARKER
This is on me.
DOROTHY PARKER
That woman speaks 18 languages and can't say "No" in any of them
DOROTHY PARKER
Constant use will not wear ragged the fabric of friendship.
DOROTHY PARKER
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts a...
DOROTHY PARKER
Some men break your heart in two,/ Some men fawn and flatter,/ Some men never look at you;/ And that...
DOROTHY PARKER
I can't write five words but that I change seven.
DOROTHY PARKER
I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope th...
DOROTHY PARKER
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
DOROTHY PARKER
Authors and actors and artists and such - Never know nothing, and never know much
DOROTHY PARKER
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.
DOROTHY PARKER
It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.
DOROTHY PARKER
Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow.
DOROTHY PARKER
Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarras...
DOROTHY PARKER
Somebody was using the pencil.
DOROTHY PARKER
That would be a good thing for them to carve on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it ...
DOROTHY PARKER
A list of authors who have made themselves most beloved and therefore, most comfortable financially,...
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it.
DOROTHY PARKER
Byron and Shelley and Keats/ Were a trio of lyrical treats.
DOROTHY PARKER
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them.
DOROTHY PARKER
"Cheque enclosed" are the two most beautiful words in the English language
DOROTHY PARKER
She looks as new as a peeled egg
DOROTHY PARKER
She looks like something that would eat its young
DOROTHY PARKER
I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate C...
DOROTHY PARKER
By the time you swear you are his, shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is infinite and un...
DOROTHY PARKER
Too fucking busy, and vice versa. [Reply to her editor who was bugging her for her belated work whil...
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken of the calm, who know the storm
DOROTHY PARKER
People are more fun than any body
DOROTHY PARKER
I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule...
DOROTHY PARKER
I suppose that now if I ever wrote a play about myself I'd be sued for plagiarism
DOROTHY PARKER
There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simp...
DOROTHY PARKER
Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
DOROTHY PARKER
Lips that taste of tears, they say/ Are the best for kissing.
DOROTHY PARKER
I wish I could drink like a lady / I can take one or two at the most / Three and I'm under the table...
DOROTHY PARKER
My land is bare of chattering folk; / the clouds are low along the ridges, / and sweet's the air wit...
DOROTHY PARKER
The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!
DOROTHY PARKER
This is on me. [suggested for her tombstone]
DOROTHY PARKER
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to exci...
DOROTHY PARKER
Money is only congealed snow.
DOROTHY PARKER
Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I...
DOROTHY PARKER
I hate writing, I love having written.
DOROTHY PARKER