Do not join encounter groups. If you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother.

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress.

I thought girls would be impressed because I had read a big dictionary. I guess I thought it would get their attention when I told them I was sesquipedalian. One look down at my feet usually dispelled the deception though.

which butchered my column. I feel like it never really appeared in L.A. before.

Begin somewhere: you cannot build a reputation on what you intend to do.

One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless.