Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

Never have more children than you have car windows.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.