Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear.

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we should have people standing in the corners of our rooms.