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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.


Ambrose Bierce

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Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
AMBROSE BIERCE No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT It's kind of fun to listen to Christians who say: I'm a New Testament Christian. What other ...
RANDALL TERRY The Old Testament prophets and the apostles of the New Testament all declared that in the end of day...
BILL CLOUD There's nothing written in the Bible, Old or New testament, that says, ''If you believe in Me, you a...
RAY CHARLES The careful reader of the New Testament will find three Christs described: - One who wished to prese...
ROBERT GREEN INGERSOLL The Christian image of God is that of a rational being who believes in human progress.
RODNEY STARK Clergyman, n. - A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of betterin...
AMBROSE BIERCE We will never outrun the nagging of original divinely inspired purpose.
T.F. HODGE The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. �...
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE To relinquish any of the Psalms on the excuse that its sentiments are too violent for a Christian is...
PATRICK HENRY REARDON These contradictions are gross and palpable and demonstrate that the New Testament is not inspired, ...
ROBERT GREEN INGERSOLL The Christian West considers man to be wholly dependent upon the grace of God, or at least upon the ...
CARL GUSTAV JUNG Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. Your neighbor is the man who needs you
ELBERT HUBBARD A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbor notice it.
TRYGVE LIE My book centers in on the New Testament, the goal being to help a person who wants to understand the...
MAX LUCADO Christian, n. One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a li...
AMBROSE BIERCE What is it to serve God and to do His will? Nothing else than to show mercy to our neighbor. For it ...
MARTIN LUTHER If I created a new depravity I would be a priestess, while my imitators would founder, after my reig...
RACHILDE WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'...
AMBROSE BIERCE There is a gift of the Holy Spirit that is given to both men and women in the New Testament. This is...
TONY CAMPOLO The New Testament is the very best book that ever was or ever will be known in the world.
CHARLES DICKENS Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one.
NIKOLAI BERDYAEV CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hail to you gods, on that day of the great reckoning. Behold me, I have come to you, without sin, wi...
THE BOOK OF THE DEAD Every Christian would agree that a man's spiritual health is exactly proportional to his love for Go...
C.S. LEWIS To give a man full knowledge of morality, I would send him to no other book than the New Testament.
JOHN LOCKE NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make u...
COUNTESS OF BLESSINGTON It is the sincere desire of the writer that our citizens should early understand that the genuine so...
NOAH WEBSTER Religion is about hospitality and responsibility, and about neighbor/enemy-love-as-self-love in a Ch...
NAMSOON KANG Feast of James the Apostle Upon a little reflection one can see that no concepts which are restri...
KENNETH L. PIKE The New Testament, compared with the Old, is like a farce of one act
THOMAS PAINE Assuming that he believes at all, the everyday Christian is a pitiful figure, a man who really canno...
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE He had what he called just a small ration of tools:
A painted book.
A handful of pencils.<...
MARKUS ZUSAK A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbor notice it.
TRYGVE LIE I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI The Epistles in the New Testament have all of them a particular reference to the condition and usage...
JOSEPH BUTLER The Christian image of God is that of a rational being who believes in human progress, more fully re...
RODNEY STARK A real Christian is the one who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.
BILLY GRAHAM A real Christian is the one who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip
BILLY GRAHAM Man is raw and wild, that is one of the reasons why he needs the Christian teaching
ALFRED A. MONTAPERT Man is raw and wild, that is one of the reasons why he needs the Christian teaching.
ALFRED A. MONTAPERT It is in the ordinary duties and labors of life that the Christian can and should develop his spirit...
THOMAS MERTON Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continui...
MAYA ANGELOU Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continui...
RICHARD MCKENNA Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continu...
RICHARD MCKENNA God is the one who saved me. He who believes in God, in His cause and His truth is capable of standi...
KING HUSSEIN Nothing is never nothing. It's always something.
CECELIA AHERN Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the...
FERNANDO PESSOA In the New Testament our enemies are those who harbour hostility against us, not those against whom ...
DIETRICH BONHOEFFER The symbol of the New Testament and the Christian Church is a cross, which stands for a love faithfu...
W. WALDO BEACH The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companion...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON Continuing a short series on topics of Christian apologetics: The philosopher [Immanuel] Kant was ...
CLARK H. PINNOCK The novelist is required to create the illusion of a whole world with believable people in it, and t...
FLANNERY O'CONNOR One of the central motivations for holiness in the New Testament is to be who you are, to understand...
KEVIN DEYOUNG But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship, for, as in the Old Testament, it was m...
BONO The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companion...
RALPH WALDO EMERSON Church, in the New Testament sense of the word, is not a meeting we attend, but a group of which we ...
KERI WYATT KENT Mixing one's wines may be a mistake, but old and new wisdom mix admirably.
BERTOLT BRECHT A self-made man is one who believes in luck and sends his son to Oxford.
CHRISTINA STEAD The Christian, however, must bear the burden of a brother. He must suffer and endure the brother. It...
DIETRICH BONHOEFFER Any individual whose conscience is pure and clear, who can think for himself or herself, is a musalm...
ABHIJIT NASKAR His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING He who believes needs no explanation.
EURIPIDES Wake up to a brand new day and realize why you woke up to meet the day! Live to the end of another d...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.
ROBERT BYRNE Anyone who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography
ROBERT BYRNE Research is creation of knowledge which leads to new and efficient solutions for the society. Shiv N...
SHIV NADAR The Framers were no more interested in binding future Americans to a set of divinely inspired comman...
DAHLIA LITHWICK I have the right to do my own thinking. I am going to do it. I have never met any minister that I th...
ROBERT G. INGERSOLL The evidence for our New Testament writings is ever so much greater than the evidence for many writi...
F. F. BRUCE Although I believe that scripture is divinely inspired and infallible, I have a hard time going alon...
TONY CAMPOLO Ash Wednesday The apologetic of the New Testament, and of the early centuries generally, was addr...
JOHN BAILLIE The term “musalman” refers to someone with “musallam iman”, that means, a pure conscience. T...
ABHIJIT NASKAR You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES The question of bread for myself is a material question, but the question of bread for my neighbor i...
NIKOLAI BORDYAEV A liberal is a person who believes that water can be made to run uphill. A conservative is someone w...
THEODORE WHITE And there is not one of the followers of the Book but most certainly believes in this before his dea...
QURAN The way to final freedom is within thy self.
THE BOOK OF THE GOLDEN PRECEPTS Many a man in his hour of trial has turned to the Book of Mormon and been enlightened, enlivened, an...
EZRA TAFT BENSON The most classic horror tale of this latter type is the Old Testament story of Job, who becomes huma...
STEPHEN KING Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE One needs no strange spiritual faith to worship the earth.
JOHN COWPER POWYS Al-Qur'an is not a book of Science, ‘S-C-I-E-N-C-E’ but a book of Signs ‘S-I-G-N-S
ZAKIR NAIK Boehme makes such leaps, such contradictions, such confusions of thought. It is as though he wishes ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT Every Christian must be convinced of his fundamental and vital duty of bearing witness to the truth ...
POPE JOHN XXIII It is not necessary to argue to those for whom I write that the two great needs of mankind, that all...
JOSIAH STRONG The New Testament says nothing of Apostles who retired and took it easy.
BILLY GRAHAM The aim of all Christian education, moreover, is to train the believer in an adult faith that can ma...
POPE BENEDICT XVI ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
AMBROSE BIERCE It is no coincidence that Christian fundamentalist movements worldwide seek a return to Old Testamen...
CHRISTINA ENGELA Although some popular religious texts such as the New Testament, Quran, Bhagavad Gita, Tao Te Ching,...
H.W. CHARLES New scientific ideas never spring from a communal body, however organized, but rather from the head ...
MAX PLANCK It's really neat and encouraging as a Christian that he's so bold about his faith. His actions suppo...
MARK LITTLE A conversion is incomplete if it does not leave Jesus Christ in the central place in one's life. The...
WILLIAM BARCLAY PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a hi...
AMBROSE BIERCE

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AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
AMBROSE BIERCE