As a standup, I try to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room.

It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me.

Straight girls like me. They flirt with me to get whatever they want. Of course it works.

I can't discriminate? Oh, that's ripe, coming from a straight white man. What's the matter, baby doesn't feel like he belongs? Well why don't you try a place that was set up just for you? Like the world!

No one has the responsibility to be out to anyone but himself or herself. I made my choice a million years ago.

A woman will allow herself to be clouded by her emotions. Her reasonable thought becomes completely unreasonable over the most ridiculous thing. It's a girl thing.