Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

There she is! The sleeper!

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.