All weddings, except those with shotguns in evidence, are wonderful.

We took all the technological know-how that we had and took all the things women complained about and married the two.

Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing any one who comes between them.

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress.

I thought girls would be impressed because I had read a big dictionary. I guess I thought it would get their attention when I told them I was sesquipedalian. One look down at my feet usually dispelled the deception though.

which butchered my column. I feel like it never really appeared in L.A. before.