About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing

A child ... should have a silent, as painless as possible, birth. The delivery itself should ... be as calm and no-talk as possible.

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without bein' under suspicion

Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely

The chronic grumbler is a church social compared to the feller that agrees with everything you say