A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause 3 times as many accidents.

Warning!!! Very important, please read!!! Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whisky and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Coke and ice will ruin your teeth. That bloody ice is lethal!!! Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice!!

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK. 1. Open a new file in your computer.2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.4. Empty the Recycle Bin.5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'7. Feel better?

Among American Indians, five of the top 10 causes of death are strongly associated with alcohol use: accidents, alcoholism, suicides, homicides, and cirrhosis. These causes of death occur at rates at least three to four times the national average.

We're beginning to realize that drowsiness or sleep deprivation, fatigue, is beginning to outstrip alcohol as a cause of accidents in transportation, particularly on the highway,

“Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes, you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you’ll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there’s also that chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along.”