A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

For some of those things to be said in a bumper sticker is really disgusting. I think Lubbock is better than that and I think the citizens of Lubbock are much better and see through something like that for what it is.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?

I never set out to do a sketch show.

God is love, but Satan does that thing you like with his tongue.

--BUMPER STICKER