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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.


Henny Youngman

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My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
WALTER MATTHAU My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
WALTER MATTHAU A woman who is betrothed to a man gets happy with him for neither his six-pack Abs nor six inch drag...
ANUJ SOMANY Man I got so many regrets. The biggest is that Eminem gave me so many demos - six different times he...
FAT JOE He made a similar proposal to the Europeans and gave them six months. When there was no response, he...
ABU JANDAL I said, to be a New Yorker you have to live here for six months, and if at the end of the six months...
ED KOCH Running just makes me happy. I love the freedom of running. I ran until I was seven and a half month...
KIM ALEXIS I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral.
KEITH RICHARDS We gave up on Elgin six to seven months ago. We now have a full-blown permit to submit for sewage tr...
ALAN SCIMECA It's the working man's day spa. We target the working man that wants to treat his wife to a special ...
MARILYNN BOCKOVER I met Ashley two weeks before I married him. It was a joke-the most ridiculous thing I've ever d...
SHANNEN DOHERTY The doctors told him he had three to six months but he didn't make it.
LINDA HUNT When asked what he would do if he only had six months to live: Type faster.
ISAAC ASIMOV I said, to be a New Yorker you have to live here for six months, and if at the end of the six months...
ED KOCH He's like elephant man. They are saying he could be lying there in six months. He needs a miracle. T...
MYFANWY MARSHALL What a magnificent man. This man knew how to live. He gave us so much to last many lifetimes.
AVERY BROOKS Without access to antiviral and antibiotic medications, my doctor gave me 6 months to live because o...
KEITH GREEN The average american spends six months of his or her life waiting for red lights to turn green. six ...
MEGAN MCCAFFERTY An actor is working steady if he's active four to six months a year.
ZACH GALLIGAN When a man goes through six years training to be a doctor he will never be the same. He knows too mu...
ENID BAGNOLD It's been a tough six months,
JAMES MORGAN My opinion is that if tenants have six months left on their leases, the management company should pa...
ELIZABETH BOYLE The charges were put on a back burner as long as he agreed to stay out of trouble for six months. If...
CHANNING PHILLIPS They travel six to eight months a year.
ELAINE MORGAN By the time we went to Doctor Simon I think Barney had been totally disabled for at least six months...
BETTY HILL For six months I'd do movies and make it all about me. Then the other six months, it's not a...
RACHEL TRUE You know, that's kind of the thing, I can't freestyle and I used to always wonder why I coul...
BUBBA SPARXXX The arms of the drug police state are awesomely long. To drag a man back to jail for six months for ...
DALE GIERINGER He never sold anything for us. He was a distributor for us for six months.
JEFF WAGNER I don't have a permanent place where I live. I'm in Atlanta about six or seven months out of...
BROOKE ELLIOTT Karl has been away for six months and we've missed him incredibly.
ANGELA KUBASA Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN For the underclassmen, you get to live for six or eight months in the Top 20. And for the seniors, y...
TOMMY BOWDEN It's been six or seven months since the stroke. Insurance has helped, but now we're having to pay fo...
JOYCE HOLLIMAN He mentioned it six months ago, and I thought it was a great idea,
DAVID LAMBERT When I cleaned up some 17 odd years ago, I felt terrible for about six months. The only thing that g...
JAMES TAYLOR Typically events like this would take four months, maybe six months,
JOHN PARSONS That's probably a problem for the next six months to a year.
CATHERINE ELDER I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and ...
AL MCGUIRE Another instance, whether in six months or two years, will only reinforce what's already happened,
DAVID PARKIN Six months ago, I wasn't thinking about a transplant.
JAMES PASCOE When I was a young man, barely 18, I discovered Jesus Christ as my personal saviour, and for six mon...
LUKE RHINEHART One of my first jobs was at the Boston Globe. I worked in the sports department six months a year. W...
WILL MCDONOUGH Certainly for my father, there were great times, good times, not-so-good times. He might be shooting...
TOBY JONES Halo Properties decided to donate it to us and gave us six months to move it. We have the station on...
DEBBIE PACE We might see a market shift. So the next six months is really critical for WAP.
BERTRAND BIDAUD Curtis had been hospitalized on and off for the past six months. Nine months ago his right leg was a...
KAREN LEE Given six months to live and being the fighter that I am, I set high goals for myself.
RYAN WHITE If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little fas...
ISAAC ASIMOV I have never met a man more shy than Clark Gable. He was so shy, you couldn't make him talk.
ORIANA FALLACI Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
OSCAR WILDE Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Luckily, he hasn't done that in almost six months so I think he's outgrowing it. Still, I have his b...
CODY COLVIN In six months, we put in a whole new WMS.
BRUCE MANTZ Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every...
CLIFFORD STOLL The Indians had to wait up to six months for a response. It took me six months to get the message th...
SEX AND THE CITY He had been on duty for approximately six months and was in his probationary post-academy period at ...
DOUG MOSIER I saw the pilot for 'Girls' about six months before it aired.
ADAM DRIVER Some men can love forever, some for six years, some for six months, and others for six hours.
MICHAEL BASSEY JOHNSON It's a tight schedule to get two units ready in six months.
SCOTT ANDREWS I think I cried for six months.
CAROL IERULLI I'm better than I was two months ago, better than I was six months ago, and certainly better than I ...
STEVE MOORE I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
GALILEO GALILEI Grandpa was such a phenomenal person when I think about it. When he was 9, he served a family for si...
EMMA JEAN TUCKER My original name was Juaquin, and my cousin couldn't pronounce my name right. So he'd just b...
WAKA FLOCKA FLAME Six months after he called for a new approach in Europe, there is little sign of it.
WILLIAM HAGUE Well, you can't compete with a six foot five man in a wig.
SHEMAR MOORE It's not uncommon for a complex investigation to last six to 18 months.
RICK WHITE An investigation may take six months. A quick interview, profile, a day.
DIANE SAWYER He's only had about five works in the last five or six months, so he hasn't done a whole lot. He was...
KRISTIN MULHALL It's at least six months before a case is heard, ... Sometimes, it's as long as nine or 10 months.
HENRY MORGAN You're never living in that immediate day. You're always looking ahead -- three months, six months o...
JACKIE PAYNE For the first six or eight months at Juilliard I felt paralysed. I didn't know what I was doing.
ERIC WHITACRE We got a big influx of investors over the past six to nine months.
DANIEL BUTTERWORTH In 'Remember the Night,' love reformed her and corrupted him, which gave us the finely balan...
PRESTON STURGES For the last several years and culminating in six months in orbit next year, I've been training ...
CHRIS HADFIELD Prices should be stable for the next six months.
KAREN RYAN God created man and, finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a companion to make him feel his s...
PAUL VALéRY God created man and, finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a companion to make him feel his s...
PAUL VALERY Merlyn has demonstrated his ability to lead the agency over the past six months and has expressed hi...
DAVE RALSTON A fashion is merely a form of ugliness so unbearable that we are compelled to alter it every six m...
OSCAR WILDE In the six months at sea we never saw a tree or land.
LEO LATLIP He meant so much to us and I don't like to use the word teacher or professor because he was so much ...
CATHERINE HAYDEN He's a thoroughbred who would get on any county team but he hasn't played in nearly six months.
JOHN RAFFERTY I do want people to know that Kirby was a very happy man and that retirement gave him the opportunit...
JODI OLSON I think it's six to eight months before we know,
LEN LAUER The wonderful thing about Food for Thought is that it lets you keep your hand in theater and be in f...
TREAT WILLIAMS My dad was in the military, yeah. He was in the Air Force, and he was a doctor, so he would go place...
FELICIA DAY I heard some words from a friend on the phone, it didn't sound so good. The doctor gave him two week...
JACK JOHNSON If they had Mozart today, they couldn't work with him, although he was a very adaptable man.
ALEXANDER KLUGE He's held his own, and he's stronger now than he was six months ago. DeLay's detractors have hit him...
JACK KINGSTON I was in Congress for six months, and they put me on blood pressure medication. I flew helicopters i...
TAMMY DUCKWORTH In the past we couldn't talk to non-union workers. Now we can at least talk to non-union workers...
RICHARD TRUMKA To me, basic SEAL training was a lifetime of challenges crammed into six months.
WILLIAM H. MCRAVEN I'm actually following the advice that Tom Dewey (who lost the 1948 presidential election to Harry T...
BILL BRADLEY I went for a consult at MUSC (Medical University of South Carolina) and found out that he had to hav...
BUNNIE GLEASON It appears that this is a win for consumers. This bill would definitely fix some of the accounting p...
FRANK TORRES They took my mother's stomach out six months ago.
DAVE EGGERS Whenever he saw a dollar in another man's hands he took it as a personal grudge, if he couldn...
O. HENRY Over the past six months, pandemic flu has come to the forefront.
DAN SLAVIN

More Henny Youngman

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
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HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENNY YOUNGMAN That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
HENNY YOUNGMAN I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He g...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as w...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
HENNY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up -- they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a litt...
HENNY YOUNGMAN The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one t...
HENNY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep lat...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
HENNY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENNY YOUNGMAN You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
HENNY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow, sleep late.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop. -Henny Youngman.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENNY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet fi...
HENNY YOUNGMAN This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says ...
HENNY YOUNGMAN If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
HENNY YOUNGMAN She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
HENNY YOUNGMAN Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Ştii ce înseamnă să vii acasă seara la o femeie care să îţi ofere dragoste, afecţiune şi u...
HENNY YOUNGMAN What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angele...
HENNY YOUNGMAN How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
HENNY YOUNGMAN My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
HENNY YOUNGMAN Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
HENNY YOUNGMAN A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my...
HENNY YOUNGMAN Take my wife... Please!
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HENNY YOUNGMAN I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
HENNY YOUNGMAN The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little a...
HENRY YOUNGMAN I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back
HENRY YOUNGMAN If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock
HENRY YOUNGMAN When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say
HENRY YOUNGMAN My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
HENRY YOUNGMAN While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
HENRY YOUNGMAN A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
HENRY YOUNGMAN When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
HENRY YOUNGMAN I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
HENRY YOUNGMAN When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
HENRY YOUNGMAN My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
HENRY YOUNGMAN You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...
HENRY YOUNGMAN I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
HENRY YOUNGMAN If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
HENRY YOUNGMAN Take my wife . . . . Please!
HENRY YOUNGMAN