A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.


Anonymous

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

One night I was driving and so infatuated with dipping French fries into my milk shake that I drove ...
ARIELLE KEBBEL
The next day, I got a phone call from him and he told me to come and read for a movie called New Jac...
ICE T
John [the father] kept saying, "You have a penis. That means you’re a boy." One day, Shannon notic...
ANDREW SOLOMON
I pulled the card over, I said 'see this, this is me.' She went nuts.
BOB MURDY
Life is like farting in front of someone and then trying to convince him, you didn't fart. It's hard...
ME
Just look at what is spelled:
Hal Jordan
BrUce Wayne
Victor Stone
Clark KenT...
ME
Realizing you have something in common with another person makes you more human than you were yester...
ME :)
If a fangirl tells you she likes you, you better be happy. Her standards are very high.
ME
In total desperation, I called over to the engineering building, and I said, "Please cut off a nanos...
GRACE MURRAY HOPPER
I have kept a diary,
WITHNAIL AND I
When I fouled out, my teammates looked at me and told me they were going to win it for me. They were...
HARDING NANA
She glanced over and saw me and then realized what I told her about me being stuck in traffic was in...
GARY KUBIC
Tad took the ball out of bounds and gave it up to me, which, he was the best player in the state and...
DEAN MILLER
Two months later at a party, Bernard pulled me into a closet and proposed. I said yes.
SHELLEY DUVALL
I pulled on the restraints, frustrated, hurting, and completely devastated. I could feel tears slidi...
ELIZABETH SCHECHTER
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS
What drove me and kept me going over the decades? If I had to use a single word, it would be 'cu...
EVE ARNOLD
It was a loud pop and my passenger side windshield shattered. I pulled off to the side and called 91...
DAVID HOLMES
The one I had been using was letting me down so badly I drove my Porsche over it so it didn't have a...
MARK ROE
People told me I couldn't kill Nicholson, so I cast him in two roles and killed him off twice.
TIM BURTON
He pulled out his wallet and showed me photos of himself with long hair, ... He told me he had been ...
HAROLD BROWN
He pulled out his wallet and showed me photos of himself with long hair, ... He told me he had been ...
HAROLD BROWN
I noticed that. Their coach told me I was going over the time and that's the first time anyone's sai...
CHRIS ANDERSON
I met Drew Barrymore, and she was so cool. She told me, 'I know I just had my baby three weeks a...
MADDIE ZIEGLER
I said something really stupid once. I told a friend that my mother was so beautiful, but my dad was...
GENE WILDER
Still I pulled her into a hug, because I knew she let me off the hook on purpose and yeah, I'm a guy...
NYRAE DAWN
I was so scared. I was very afraid. He pulled my hair and forced me and locked me in the bathroom.
ERIKA CRUZ
I told (Crawford) to send someone up here and he told me to hold off.
JAMES WILSON
A fan almost pulled me off stage once, and that was a little scary because I totally almost ate it!
MADISON MARLOW
People told me I couldn't kill Nicholson, so I cast him in two roles and killed him off twice.
TIM BURTON
I've been talking with that particular section for some time and wanted to do something to be rememb...
DAVID PAK
The coach told me I had to step up when Danny Cloud went out. He told me I had to do my best, not tu...
BRANDON COLLINS
I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES
I couldn't awake from the nightmare That sucked me in and pulled me underPulled me underOh... That w...
JEFF BUCKLEY
He told me that I don't respect him and he's going to let me go so I can play for a team and a coach...
DEMETRIS BENDROSS
Frank called me one day and said, 'I have an idea for a movie, why don't you come over and I'll tell...
JAMES STEWART
“ you could win by encountering defeat for life time. If you did not then you will be life time de...
DR. SHAILESH THAKER
I could have a forest of papers they've left for me. It's a lot of work over nothing.
BRIAN BAHN
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly to...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I told all the guys who left before me that I would get a win in Cameron. Now that it's over, I can ...
DAVID NOEL
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a ...
DICK MARTIN
A woman drove me to drink. I don't drink and drive.
BRIAN SPELLMAN
He pulled me closer. kneeling in front of me,he kissed me intensely and i felt right. Morning and ev...
JESSICA SHIRVINGTON
I was just this tall when they told me that the world was mine, but the papers weren't signed. There...
ATMOSPHERE
A voice in my head told me I acted like a spoiled brat, but I duct taped that sucker shut. I didn’...
ISABELLE CRUSOE
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
EMO PHILIPS
When I was young, I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the universe.' But God answered, 'That...
GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER
Try it again," I said. "Kiss me."
"No," he said.
"Kiss me."
"No," And then he smiled....
BENJAMIN ALIRE SáENZ
Cold,” he said, pressing a finger to my pale wrist.
“Not cold so much as underoxygenated,�...
JOHN GREEN
They told me that they could offer me a career and all the education, adventure and travel, and mone...
DR. ARCHIE SAVAGE
And there's a cop over there."
"What?" the boy said, glancing at the D.C. police officer that s...
ALLY CARTER
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugl...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
He pointed at me and said, 'that one won't stand up.' The two policemen came near me and only one sp...
ROSA PARKS
Peeta" I said "Stay with me"

I heard him say one word before the drigs pulled me under, I...
SUZANNE COLLINS
She pulled away from Eric's grasp, knelt before Brian and looked up at him.

"Let me suck ...
OLIVIA CUNNING
The last over wasn't so stressful. The 48th over was more tense because before I bowled it Graeme (S...
ANDREW HALL
Kevin told me while we were walking off the mound, ... He said, 'Ground ball coming to you right her...
B.J. UPTON
One day, we had a layoff at my job. And I went to my boss, and I said, 'Please save someone else...
LONI LOVE
I said this to the Knapp Commission over 25 years ago, ... We must create an atmosphere where the cr...
FRANK SERPICO
Frank called me one day and said, 'I have an idea for a movie, why don't you come over and I...
JAMES STEWART
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two...
EMO PHILIPS
My wife is very patient. On our honeymoon in 1992, we got a motor home and drove from L.A. to Idaho ...
SEAN ASTIN
I was reading so much about myself in the papers that was not me.
REBECCA LOOS
I moved further and further away from mass entertainment. The sexual element became increasingly sin...
ROBERT CRUMB
I live in a house over there on the Island, and in that house there is a man waiting for me. When he...
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
There were definitely some teenagers who told me they'd been asked to rewrite papers,
AMANDA LENHART
It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN
I saw the car. It was smoking. He said, 'Get me out of here.' I couldn't get the door open, so I pul...
JEFF BERRY
The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to pe...
JON STEWART
My friend told me later he got the chicken pox. I told him I caught politics and never got over it.
JACK JOHNSON
Give me an opportunity to fail," Saiman said. "I promise my corpse won't interrupt your 'I told you ...
ILONA ANDREWS
Coming off the field against Kansas (a 66-14 win), Vince said, 'Chest bump me coach,
MACK BROWN
Gagne taught me the changeup. I did not have confidence in it. Then he said, 'Throw that changeup.' ...
GUILLERMO MOTA
I always carry a pair of scissors around with me to cut things out of magazines.
SALLY PHILLIPS
I said, 'OK, then, I'll probably see you later today,' and he said, 'I love you, Mom.' He always tol...
FRANCES FRANKLIN
"What is the matter?" he cried. "For God's sake, what are you doing!"I kept on creeping just the sam...
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
She showed me her room, isn't it good, ...
NORWEGIAN WOOD (THE BEATLES)
You are the best, most loving, supportive family anyone could ever have," I said through my sobs. "I...
JASPER FFORDE
The bottom line is we've got to win and keep on going. I think we've still got a shot. Before the ga...
CHARLIE MANUEL
Pop told me he had about four guys almost tripped over cords. We had a couple of guys almost stumble...
LARRY BROWN
I've turned over a new leaf. On TV, Kenny Wallace said I was a pessimist after Charlotte, so I got m...
MARK MARTIN
I was at the Academy of Country Music Awards and my first record had just come out. Buck Owens walke...
KENNY CHESNEY
My dad was fine about me doing modelling at 16 because I always said school was important to me. I a...
GEORGIA MAY JAGGER
I said, 'I don't know how to write a scary movie,' and he told me, 'Just pull all the skeletons out ...
WES CRAVEN
The more people told me that, you know, wow, you should be so blessed. Don't you feel blessed? A...
TANYA TUCKER
I moved further and further away from mass entertainment. The sexual element became increasingly sin...
ROBERT CRUMB
People say things about me all the time and I get over it. I've had some appalling things told a...
BOY GEORGE
Spanish, huh?" he said, glancing down at the scattered papers as he grabbed them. "Can you say anyth...
KODY KEPLINGER
Whenever I was upset by something in the papers, Jack always told me to be more tolerant, like a hor...
JACKIE KENNEDY
The next thing I knew there was meat and trailers all over the ground. I drove over it. I drove over...
JOSEPH JACKSON
A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!
UNKNOWN
So I went to George and told him I had the opportunity to become the figurehead of a government safe...
DAVID PROWSE
I know - I'll play you for it," Alice suggested. "Rock, paper, scissors."
Jasper chuckled and E...
STEPHENIE MEYER
My jump shot was on at the beginning. I came out, shot a couple, and coach told me, 'Don't settle.' ...
DONTAYE DRAPER
Smiling, Vixen sat up and kneeled at the edge of the mattress. “Mmmm… I missed you.” She said,...
J.D. STROUBE
He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was ins...
JANET EVANOVICH
When people told me I will never make it, I listened to the one person who said I could: me.
LILY CHATTERJEE
She told me that she loved me.
She told me that everything would be okay.
She told me to...
ANGEL MCGREGOR
So as I pulled into the truck stop driveway, this trucker was waiting on me. He informed me that he ...
BILL WARD
He drove his kind of realism at me so hard I bounced right into nonobjective painting.
JACKSON POLLOCK

More Anonymous

Animals are human just like us in a different shape and form so do not abuse them.
ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS
You don't have to touch someone to love them, It's not in the kiss, It's in the times you don't kiss...
ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS
Glory be to Him who changes others and remains Himself unchanged!
ANONYMOUS
Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone one who loves is born of God an...
ANONYMOUS
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement
give you a spirit of unity among yourselves ...
ANONYMOUS
Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.
ANONYMOUS
Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can be...
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what y...
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
ANONYMOUS
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
ANONYMOUS
He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
ANONYMOUS
All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
ANONYMOUS
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do yo...
ANONYMOUS
A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
ANONYMOUS
Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.
ANONYMOUS
Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...b...
ANONYMOUS
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her o...
ANONYMOUS
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family d...
ANONYMOUS
The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
ANONYMOUS
Leadership is the ability to hide your panic from others.
ANONYMOUS
An expert knows all the answers -- if you ask the right questions.
ANONYMOUS
Time cuts down all, Both great and small.
ANONYMOUS
Few cases of eyestrain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.
ANONYMOUS
Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.
ANONYMOUS
Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. •Anonymous Many an o...
ANONYMOUS
Some of the smallest situations are the biggest to some people.
ANONYMOUS
Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.
ANONYMOUS
Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For eve...
ANONYMOUS
Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
ANONYMOUS
A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowin...
ANONYMOUS
Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and u...
ANONYMOUS
She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
ANONYMOUS
many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting; but a ...
ANONYMOUS
Lady Wisdom will be your close friend; and Brother Knowledge will be your pleasant companion.
ANONYMOUS
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
ANONYMOUS
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is possible only when one is busy. The body must toil, the mind must be occupied, and the ...
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is the overcoming of not unknown obstacles toward a known goal.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness seems to be the result of something happening — inactivity is not very exhilarating.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not pleasure, it's victory.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passe...
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not given but exchanged.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes f...
ANONYMOUS
If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your a...
ANONYMOUS
So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness consists in activity; such as the constitution of our nature; it is a running stream, and ...
ANONYMOUS
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness is not always measured in smiles.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness lies in our own backyard, but it's probably well hidden by crabgrass.
ANONYMOUS
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
ANONYMOUS
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
ANONYMOUS
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle ...
ANONYMOUS
Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
ANONYMOUS
To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
ANONYMOUS
My friend, why have you drifted so far away? All motion is relative, maybe it is you who have moved ...
ANONYMOUS
The happiest business in all the world is that of making friends, And no investment on the street pa...
ANONYMOUS
Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
ANONYMOUS
Remember that the faith that moves mountains always carries a pick.
ANONYMOUS
When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are.
ANONYMOUS
The sound of a kiss is much softer than that of a cannon - but it's echo lasts a great deal longer.
ANONYMOUS
Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding i...
ANONYMOUS
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
ANONYMOUS
When life throws a lemon at you, you throw it straight back at life and miss completely. That's my l...
ANONYMOUS
Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
ANONYMOUS
Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
ANONYMOUS
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, ...
ANONYMOUS
تبسمك في وجه أخيك صدقة، وأمرك بالمعروف صدقة ونهيك عن ال...
ANONYMOUS
The first men to be created and formed were called the Sorcerer of Fatal Laughter, the Sorcerer of N...
ANONYMOUS
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you...
ANONYMOUS
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
ANONYMOUS
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for ...
ANONYMOUS
Anyone who is having troubles should pray. Anyone who is happy should sing praises. Anyone who is si...
ANONYMOUS
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
ANONYMOUS
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
ANONYMOUS
Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
ANONYMOUS
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
ANONYMOUS
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
ANONYMOUS
I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
ANONYMOUS
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
ANONYMOUS
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
ANONYMOUS
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
ANONYMOUS
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too,...
ANONYMOUS
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less t...
ANONYMOUS
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
ANONYMOUS
In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
ANONYMOUS
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogy in it!
ANONYMOUS
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
ANONYMOUS
Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
ANONYMOUS
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
ANONYMOUS
Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
ANONYMOUS
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
ANONYMOUS
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
ANONYMOUS
Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of...
ANONYMOUS
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I ...
ANONYMOUS
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
ANONYMOUS
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
ANONYMOUS
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
ANONYMOUS
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
ANONYMOUS
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
ANONYMOUS
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
ANONYMOUS
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
ANONYMOUS
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
ANONYMOUS
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
ANONYMOUS
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my ...
ANONYMOUS
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
ANONYMOUS
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
ANONYMOUS
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
ANONYMOUS
Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
ANONYMOUS
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
ANONYMOUS
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
ANONYMOUS
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
ANONYMOUS
Newspaper Ad: Parachute for sale, used once, never opened!!
ANONYMOUS
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
ANONYMOUS
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too ...
ANONYMOUS
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
ANONYMOUS
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
ANONYMOUS
People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty. ANONYMOUS
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. T...
ANONYMOUS
I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
ANONYMOUS
Chuck Norris is so amazing he can:

Light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.<...
ANONYMOUS
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time a...
ANONYMOUS
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this ...
ANONYMOUS
I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
ANONYMOUS
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
ANONYMOUS
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
ANONYMOUS
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
ANONYMOUS
It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
ANONYMOUS
Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some yo...
ANONYMOUS
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're...
ANONYMOUS
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
ANONYMOUS
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
ANONYMOUS
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
ANONYMOUS
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museu...
ANONYMOUS
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
ANONYMOUS
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
ANONYMOUS
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
ANONYMOUS
There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in Ame...
ANONYMOUS
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
ANONYMOUS
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
ANONYMOUS
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
ANONYMOUS
Smile while you still have teeth.
ANONYMOUS
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
ANONYMOUS
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
ANONYMOUS
Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
ANONYMOUS
I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
ANONYMOUS
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
ANONYMOUS
True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.
ANONYMOUS
Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.
ANONYMOUS
Is it good if a blow dryer blows?
ANONYMOUS
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
ANONYMOUS
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
ANONYMOUS
Never judge a book by it's movie
ANONYMOUS
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my ...
ANONYMOUS
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
ANONYMOUS
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
ANONYMOUS
If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your sm...
ANONYMOUS
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
ANONYMOUS
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
ANONYMOUS
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast...
ANONYMOUS
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close ...
ANONYMOUS
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted ...
ANONYMOUS
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
ANONYMOUS
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
ANONYMOUS
I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?
ANONYMOUS
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
ANONYMOUS
I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
ANONYMOUS
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
ANONYMOUS
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
ANONYMOUS
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
ANONYMOUS
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
ANONYMOUS
I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.
ANONYMOUS
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people al...
ANONYMOUS
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
ANONYMOUS
The amount of time it takes for a minute to go by is proportionally dependent with the distance to t...
ANONYMOUS
Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to sco...
ANONYMOUS
I can't wait for that to never happen.
ANONYMOUS
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
ANONYMOUS
Sports top moment: to score a goal but miss in the re-play.
ANONYMOUS
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
ANONYMOUS
Rudeness top moment: to scare an ostrich on an asphalt street.
ANONYMOUS
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
ANONYMOUS
Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
ANONYMOUS
Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible.
ANONYMOUS
An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
ANONYMOUS
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
ANONYMOUS
Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
ANONYMOUS
You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
ANONYMOUS
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
ANONYMOUS
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase al...
ANONYMOUS
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patte...
ANONYMOUS
Whenever you feel stupid, remember that there are people outside searching for Pokemon.
ANONYMOUS