Your whole life people tell you to do what you love. But if you gotta do something else to pay the bills, you don't automatically have to be miserable.

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?

A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.

'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned.