Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins.

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it.