You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the "Bummer Desk", which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories with headlines like "DOORBELL USE LINKED TO LEUKEMIA" and "OZONE LAYER COMPLETELY GONE DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HOUSE.

Steve Barry

Funny Newspaper

Related Quotes

... sentiments which Feliks had already come to recognise as being characteristic of The Times, which would have described the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as strong rulers who could do nothing but good for the stability of the international situation.

— Ken Follett

funnynewspaperwitty

I figured out why I'm not getting seriously rich. I write newspaper columns. Nobody ever makes newspaper columns into Major Motion Pictures starring Tom Cruise. The best you can hope for, with a newspaper column, is that people will like it enough to attach it to their refrigerators with magnets shaped like fruit.

Newspaper ColumnsRefrigerator MagnetsTom Cruise

She was gorgeous and very, very funny - not just joke funny. She was a genuine eccentric.

— Barry Cryer

Yeah, it is. It's funny, once the crowd gets out there and you get a few wins under your belt -- hopefully -- it's good. These events are obviously the best on the planet, you get 6,000-7,000 watching and everyone at home cheering you on and it's what we all want to play in now.

— Steve Gould

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried