You might well ask just what the hell he was thinking. The answer is, probably nothing at all.He'd probably say he was exercising his God-given right to stupidity.

He stood a few meters from the step and spoke with great conviction, great joy.
"Alles ist Scheisse," he announced.
All is shit.

He must have longed for it so much. He must have loved her so incredibly hard. So hard that he would never ask for her lips again and would go to his grave without them.

When death captures me," the boy vowed, "he will feel my fist in his face." (31.26)

Here is a small fact: You are going to die"
"does this scare you? I urge you don't be afraid, I'm nothing if not fair"
- Death

There are skies manufactured by people, punctured and leaking,and there are soft,coal-colored clouds, beating like black hearts