You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?

A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.

'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned.