Years ago I had a 1-iron I could hit 260 yards through a doorway. Now I can hit it through the keyhole.

In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

I'm starting to hit it better and getting the range on my shots. If I get my putter going, watch out.

I'm not scared of very much. I've been hit by lightning and been in the Marine Corps for four years.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.