Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes.

I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Stupid people are ruining America.

I've learned two things the hard way: You can't fix stupid and you shouldn't use up your patience to fix stupid.