Gilbert Gottfried quote: "With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club."

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will fin...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from ...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, ri...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black gu...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would exami...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find o...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never ...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original,
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep par...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minut...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitati...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's f...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I've always said my career is somewhere between children's programming and hard-core porn.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

With (Katrina), it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a s...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Not paying the comics a dime -- that's Penn's greatest magic trick,
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admi...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one....
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you&...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure wha...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

I think I get that.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Universal Pictures presents the Georgie Jessel Story. Ted Bessell is Georgie Jessel. Ted Bessell lea...
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Whence it follows that God is absolutely perfect, since perfection is nothing but magnitude of posit...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life.
GOTTFRIED REINHARDT

That means the state's poorest seniors will have to pick up the tab for $216 million in prescription...
ASSEMBLYMAN GOTTFRIED

That means more clinics are dividing the same pot of money. So there's less money for each clinic ev...
ASSEMBLYMAN GOTTFRIED

So those we're punishing would be the poorest and least able to pay for prescription drugs.
ASSEMBLYMAN GOTTFRIED

Everyone at some point is going to have a prescription that their Part D plan doesn't cover _ unless...
ASSEMBLYMAN GOTTFRIED

New York didn't create this mess, but we have the power to help people survive it.
ASSEMBLYMAN GOTTFRIED

I maintain also that substances, whether material or immaterial, cannot be conceived in their bare e...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

My youth is like a scab: under it there is a wound that every day leaks blood. It disfigures me.
GOTTFRIED BENN

When a truth is necessary, the reason for it can be found by analysis, that is, by resolving it into...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

Music is the pleasure the human mind experiences from counting without being aware that it is counti...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

This is why the ultimate reason of things must lie in a necessary substance, in which the differenti...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

The ultimate reason of things must lie in a necessary substance, in which the differentiation of the...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

We haven't shot the ball very well. It's one of those situations where we haven't found our rhythm a...
MARK GOTTFRIED

They're just a terrific team, and John's done a terrific job with them. [Senior guard Darrel] Mitche...
MARK GOTTFRIED

Indeed every monad must be different from every other. For there are never in nature two beings, whi...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

I think the future of architecture does not lie so much in continuing to fill up the landscape as in...
GOTTFRIED BOEHM

It can have its effect only through the intervention of God, inasmuch as in the ideas of God a monad...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

It just legitimizes our conference. We always want to bark about how good our league is, yet at some...
MARK GOTTFRIED

We've beaten the top three teams in the (SEC) East and the top three teams in the West, and I don't ...
MARK GOTTFRIED

I thought I was in for another Patrick Sparks like last year the way he was shooting it.
MARK GOTTFRIED

There's a cost to attending these tournaments. If I'm not going to get a chance to play top schools,...
MARK GOTTFRIED

This is a disappointing loss because we just needed one more defensive stop. Arkansas had its back a...
MARK GOTTFRIED

I think he realizes he needs to be more aggressive. He didn't have to look for his shot as much last...
MARK GOTTFRIED

First of all it's going to be a tremendous challenge. They are ranked third in the RPI and eighth in...
MARK GOTTFRIED

Look at their team and the personnel they have. I think everybody in this league would all agree Ark...
MARK GOTTFRIED

Men act like brutes in so far as the sequences of their perceptions arise through the principle of m...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

Elizabeth and I are going to pledge, personally, one dollar for every fan in attendance. I'm hoping ...
MARK GOTTFRIED

He plays like Karl Malone tonight, I mean the guy was phenomenal, just an unbelievable game. He was ...
MARK GOTTFRIED

I was there. I know what it's like to be a part of that. There's a sense of belonging in the Final F...
MARK GOTTFRIED

For since it is impossible for a created monad to have a physical influence on the inner nature of a...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

I also take it as granted that every created thing, and consequently the created monad also, is subj...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

But in simple substances the influence of one monad over another is ideal only.
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

I think teams have done a good job of defending him a little better. And he's not Superman. He's hum...
MARK GOTTFRIED

Finally there are simple ideas of which no definition can be given; there are also axioms or postula...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

I don't want to take anything away from Birmingham-Southern, but they're a very hard team to prepare...
MARK GOTTFRIED

There are also two kinds of truths: truth of reasoning and truths of fact. Truths of reasoning are n...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

Every present state of a simple substance is the natural consequence of its preceding state, in such...
GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

A human life is a schooling for eternity.
GOTTFRIED KELLER

They met with John (Wednesday), but other than that, there's no changes. He didn't say a whole lot a...
JOE GOTTFRIED

None of this was a reaction to the situation with the University of Mississippi. Our meeting with hi...
JOE GOTTFRIED

He said everything went well, went fine. No offer was made.
JOE GOTTFRIED

Well, I've always been of the mindset never to hold anybody back if they have the opportunity. But w...
JOE GOTTFRIED

I knew [in 2002] that he's good. He had the pedigree. He had the personality. I've watched him matur...
JOE GOTTFRIED

He told me he was looking for the right fit for him.
JOE GOTTFRIED

The damage to the soccer field has to be fixed soon, but with the baseball field, we have several mo...
JOE GOTTFRIED

The clubhouse lost some of its siding. On the soccer field, we had damage to the scoreboard and both...
JOE GOTTFRIED

We sustained damage to the outfield fence. Both the center field and the right field fence had damag...
JOE GOTTFRIED

They made their shots and pushed the ball at us. They opened the game with a lot of 3-pointers and p...
MIKE GOTTFRIED

Blind zeal can only do harm.
MAGNUS GOTTFRIED LICHTWER

Song of the brave, how thrills thy tone As when the Organ's music rolls; No gold rewards, but ...
GOTTFRIED AUGUSTUS BURGER

Blind zeal can only do harm. [Ger., Blinder Eifer schadet nur.]
MAGNUS GOTTFRIED LICHTWER

This interconnection or accommodation of all created things to each other, and each to all the other...
GOTTFRIED WILHELM LEIBNIZ

The present is saturated with the past and pregnant with the future.
GOTTFRIED WILHELM LEIBNIZ

That means the state's poorest seniors will have to pick up the tab for $216 million in prescription...
ASSEMBLYMAN RICHARD GOTTFRIED

That means more clinics are dividing the same pot of money. So there's less money for each clinic ev...
ASSEMBLYMAN RICHARD GOTTFRIED

New York didn't create this mess, but we have the power to help people survive it.
ASSEMBLYMAN RICHARD GOTTFRIED

Everyone at some point is going to have a prescription that their Part D plan doesn't cover _ unless...
ASSEMBLYMAN RICHARD GOTTFRIED

So those we're punishing would be the poorest and least able to pay for prescription drugs.
ASSEMBLYMAN RICHARD GOTTFRIED

To think what is true, to sense what is beautiful and to want what is good, hereby the spirit finds ...
JOHANN GOTTFRIED HERDER

...obscurantist feature in social scientists trying to combine pluralism with environmentalism. They...
PAUL EDWARD GOTTFRIED

Those that embrace the entire universe with love, for the most part love nothing, but their narrow s...
JOHANN GOTTFRIED VON HERDER

To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.
GOTTFRIED WILHELM VON LEIBNIZ

To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.
GOTTFRIED WILHELM VON LEIBNITZ

It's easier to be original and foolish than original and wise.
GOTTFRIED WILHELM VON LEIBNIZ

What of us lies in the hearts of others is our truest and deepest self.
JOHANN GOTTFRIED VON HERDER

Say oh wise man how you have come to such knowledge? Because I was never ashamed to confess my ignor...
JOHANN GOTTFRIED VON HERDER

Brave is the lion tamer, brave is the world subduer, but braver is the one who has subdued himself.
JOHANN GOTTFRIED VON HERDER

Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, they is a fuel in us which needs to ...
JOHANN GOTTFRIED VON HERDER

Touch not the flute when drums are sounding around; when fools have the word, the wise will be silen...
JOHANN GOTTFRIED VON HERDER

The real business of life is trying to understand each other.
GILBERT PARKER

The rainbow flag is a symbol of freedom and liberation that we made for ourselves.
GILBERT BAKER

We haven't been able yet to determine in terms of genes what makes a human being a human and not...
WALTER GILBERT

I have the same sense of the power and virtue of knowledge that some people get from a religious bac...
WALTER GILBERT

Everyone wants a hand in the outcome, a piece of the knowledge.
WALTER GILBERT

We know specific genes are turned on in specific cells, but we don't know to what extent this ha...
WALTER GILBERT

Today we try to identify a gene and then study its properties.
WALTER GILBERT

Science doesn't in the slightest depend on trust. It depends completely on the belief that you c...
WALTER GILBERT

Early on, it's good to develop the ability to write. Learning to write is a useful exercise, eve...
WALTER GILBERT

The human's place in the universe will be set in the scheme of evolution, the product of our bio...
WALTER GILBERT

By asking a novel question that you don't know the answer to, you discover whether you can formu...
WALTER GILBERT

Scientists tend to be skeptical, but the weakness of the community of science is that it tends to mo...
WALTER GILBERT

In 15 years we'll have all the sequence, a list of the genes everyone has in common and those th...
WALTER GILBERT

The interaction of the variation in our genes is what's responsible for lots of our attributes a...
WALTER GILBERT

The best project is one that asks a novel question.
WALTER GILBERT

The virtues of science are skepticism and independence of thought.
WALTER GILBERT

We are embedded in a biological world and related to the organisms around us.
WALTER GILBERT

Fame is a lot of fun, but it's not interesting. I loved being noticed and praised, even the banq...
JACK GILBERT

I had lived all of my youthful dreams, but I couldn't think of many adult ones. I finally realiz...
JACK GILBERT

I'm vain enough to think that I've made a successful life. I've had everything I've ...
JACK GILBERT

You can't work in a steel mill and think small. Giant converters hundreds of feet high. Every ni...
JACK GILBERT

I always felt I was living in two worlds. One was the Mexican world, because nearly everybody I knew...
GILBERT HERNANDEZ

Language is a living thing. We can feel it changing. Parts of it become old: they drop off and are f...
GILBERT HIGHET

It is not the broken heart that kills, but broken pride, monseigneur.
GILBERT PARKER

Variety improves the things that we do too often, but it rules the things that we don't do often...
DANIEL GILBERT

No one likes to be criticized, of course, but if the things we successfully strive for do not make o...
DANIEL GILBERT

If I wanted to know what a certain future would feel like to me, I would find someone who is already...
DANIEL GILBERT

The truth is, bad things don't affect us as profoundly as we expect them to. That's true of ...
DANIEL GILBERT

We don't believe other people's experiences can tell us all that much about our own. I think...
DANIEL GILBERT

Few of us can accurately gauge how we will feel tomorrow or next week. That's why when you go to...
DANIEL GILBERT

The data says that with the poor, a little money can buy a lot of happiness. If you're rich, a l...
DANIEL GILBERT

I have everything that I could possibly want in life, from a gorgeous granddaughter and a wonderful ...
DANIEL GILBERT

I actually think the same things do make most people happy. The differences are extremely small, and...
DANIEL GILBERT

Part of us believes the new car is better because it lasts longer. But, in fact, that's the wors...
DANIEL GILBERT

Your emotions are meant to fluctuate, just like your blood pressure is meant to fluctuate. It's ...
DANIEL GILBERT

The mistakes we make when we try to imagine our personal futures are also lawful, regular, and syste...
DANIEL GILBERT

The secret of happiness is variety, but the secret of variety, like the secret of all spices, is kno...
DANIEL GILBERT

I think I've interviewed probably 1,500 people in my 24-year business career.
DAN GILBERT

Twenty years ago, you'd see guys busting rackets in locker rooms. Today they do it in their hote...
BRAD GILBERT

I think Detroit is where muscle meets brains.
DAN GILBERT

The Midwest has, I think, incredibly hardworking people. You know they're going to be successful...
DAN GILBERT

We like scalable companies that we think we can grow - because of our expertise, operational is cons...
DAN GILBERT

One of our things is that money follows; it does not lead. So we want people that are fired up and p...
DAN GILBERT

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff o...
DAN GILBERT

I believe in our players, our coaching staff, and our entire franchise.
DAN GILBERT

Danny Ferry did a very good job when he was here and put the franchise up to a certain level, as did...
DAN GILBERT

A lot of the problems in the mortgage world, people said, were because our competitors were evil. Bu...
DAN GILBERT

I don't think we'd be the business that we are today if we were spread out in the suburban a...
DAN GILBERT

A mortgage transaction is very complex, very complicated, and very localized - the rules are not jus...
DAN GILBERT

StockX's live marketplace will harness the Internet's natural ability to facilitate a better...
DAN GILBERT

From LeBron's standpoint, if a guy like Kyrie walks away - that creates doubt. But Kyrie committ...
DAN GILBERT

First thing I said to him was, 'LeBron, you know this is true. We had five good years and one ba...
DAN GILBERT

If the Big Bang is true, that means everything that came out of it, all of the particles, all of us,...
DAN GILBERT

Urban renewal always happens as a symphony of events, and part of the symphony is innovative, optimi...
DAN GILBERT

When we do an investment, we always ask, 'Can we affect the outcome? When buying a company, can ...
DAN GILBERT

When we grew up, we wanted to do two things: to own a sports team and a casino.
DAN GILBERT

To process and close models in 50 states and 2,000-plus counties with the myriad of, just, tens of t...
DAN GILBERT

It's all about connectivity - not just technical connectivity but geographic connectivity. That&...
DAN GILBERT

If you were blessed with a fortunate position... why wouldn't you want to impact the world aroun...
DAN GILBERT

There's nobody you can point to in the world that doesn't make a mistake. The best players, ...
DAN GILBERT

There's nothing better than people talking to each other, sharing best practices, and opening up...
DAN GILBERT

Some borrowers are pretty damn good at fraud.
DAN GILBERT

Blight is like a cancer. This is one of those all-or-nothing things.
DAN GILBERT

I'd probably put myself in the top 1% in knowledge of blight in the city of Detroit.
DAN GILBERT

The continent did not appeal: France was filled with irritating people; Spain was corrupt and unstab...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

It is, I find, in zoology as it is in botany: all nature is so full, that that district produces the...
GILBERT WHITE

We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have<...
JACK GILBERT

People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. T...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustai...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

The act of quiet nighttime talking, illustrates for me more than anything else the curious alchemy o...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border o...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and w...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilling...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Suddenly this defeat.
This rain.
The blues gone gray
And the browns gone gray
An...
JACK GILBERT

Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Instructions for freedom":
1. Life's metaphors are God's instructions.
2. You have just cl...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

The day is ending. It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is be...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

One must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

The Bhagavad Gita—that ancient Indian Yogic text—says that it is better to live your own destiny...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

I was doing something I'd never done before. And what will I be able to do tomorrow that I cannot ye...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Fear--who cares?
ELIZABETH GILBERT

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate i...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

It's still two human beings trying to get along, so it's going to be complicated. And love is always...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Some days are meant to be counted, others are meant to be weighed.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than stayin...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy's fabled beggar who spent his life sitti...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the s...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on the water.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

I met an old lady once, almost a hundred years old, and she told me, 'There are only two questions t...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Operation Self-Esteem--Day Fucking One.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it's what you wan...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill ...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

One thing I do know about intimacy is that there are certain natural laws which govern the sexual ex...
ELIZABETH GILBERT

It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.
ELIZABETH GILBERT

With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

Gilbert Gottfried

Share:

Related

More Gilbert Gottfried