When you are dealing with a child, keep all your wits about you, and sit on the floor.

Before you beat a child, be sure yourself are not the cause of the offense.

A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

A home-made friend wears longer than one you buy in the market.

Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or homely faces.

A lot of people give actors credit when they gain weight for a role in a drama when they win an Oscar, but when you're doing a sitcom, people don't give you a lot of credit, because you've got to keep your weight on for five or six years if it's successful.