Punsters are among the least popular people in their workplace. Very often workmates encourage the p...
JEFF SMOLLER It started in '77 as just a rainy-day party, a bunch of friends, because we were bored and tired of ...
JEFF SMOLLER When people get desperate, they get very creative.
JEFF SMOLLER We always promise and deliver disappointment.
JEFF SMOLLER He has a very large clock.
JEFF SMOLLER It strikes me as a sound, honest statement for a prospective voter to say: 'Look, I haven't ...
JEFF GREENFIELD I do believe we have voter fraud in America.
JEFF SESSIONS Where I grew up, I could be a punk rocker and a jock. But in college, it became apparent that those ...
JEFF AMENT I cherish my privacy, and woe betide anyone who tries to interfere with that.
JEFF BECK Richard Donner's friendship and guidance showed me that there's more to life than being an a...
JEFF COHEN That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
JEFF FOXWORTHY Market leadership can translate directly to higher revenue, higher profitability, greater capital ve...
JEFF BEZOS We expect all our businesses to have a positive impact on our top and bottom lines. Profitability is...
JEFF BEZOS If you're competitor-focused, you have to wait until there is a competitor doing something. Bein...
JEFF BEZOS It's not an experiment if you know it's going to work.
JEFF BEZOS Life's too short to hang out with people who aren't resourceful.
JEFF BEZOS What's dangerous is not to evolve.
JEFF BEZOS I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people&#...
JEFF KINNEY People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People ...
JEFF ROSS If you can't tolerate critics, don't do anything new or interesting.
JEFF BEZOS Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
JEFF FOXWORTHY 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' is my first book, and it's the fulfillment of a life-long dream. ...
JEFF KINNEY I know Elon, we're very like minded in many ways. We're not conceptual twins. One thing I wa...
JEFF BEZOS Tyria's a big world. We get a grand tour in 'Ghosts of Ascalon.' We're in Divinity&#...
JEFF GRUBB When the blood of thousands of Americans is shed, the impact lingers. For a generation after the Civ...
JEFF GREENFIELD You obviously don't really forget how to play the old songs; you just don't have to spend so...
JEFF TWEEDY I think frugality drives innovation, just like other constraints do. One of the only ways to get out...
JEFF BEZOS Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they've been hurt, they're sensitive, and their cy...
JEFF BRIDGES It's not about finding relevance or perfection or imperfection in objects, but it's that you...
JEFF KOONS There's kind of a Zen aspect to bowling. The pins are either staying up or down before you even ...
JEFF BRIDGES The beauty of the Internet is that anybody can be a broadcaster now.
JEFF ZUCKER We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Han...
JEFF DUNHAM When I was growing up, my house was filled with books. My mother was an educator, and my father was ...
JEFF KINNEY Some states like Nebraska have thus far responsibly managed their budgets, even in tough times, and ...
JEFF FORTENBERRY Puberty was the main culprit in ending my acting career. I went from being kind of this chunky littl...
JEFF COHEN The Census Bureau can ask citizens very invasive questions, and if they don't respond, the gover...
JEFF DUNCAN While the Census Bureau already has a legal obligation to keep people's information confidential...
JEFF DUNCAN Monkeys can't talk, stupid!
JEFF KINNEY What Richard and Mildred Loving did was, by their nature, not by any calculus, they separated themse...
JEFF NICHOLS I think Vice is vastly overrated. And I think that if you are interested in reaching young males, wh...
JEFF ZUCKER Why - because as a oil and gas small business owner - I know if someone is not doing their job, they...
JEFF LANDRY Protestations of indifference to higher office are hard to take seriously when the 'non-candidat...
JEFF GREENFIELD One of the pillars of backward thinking in America is the idea that you can have jobs or you can hav...
JEFF GOODELL I'm actually the son of Mary Guibert. My mother was born in the Panama Canal zone and came to Am...
JEFF BUCKLEY I certainly try to avoid getting bogged down in forensics. There is certainly a whole lot of other w...
JEFF LINDSAY I love the ocean. Boats, not so much.
JEFF GOLDBLUM You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remem...
JEFF FOXWORTHY Sensitivity isn't being wimpy. It's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing on a ...
JEFF BUCKLEY It is very difficult to get people to focus on the most important things when you're in boom tim...
JEFF BEZOS Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if y...
JEFF FOXWORTHY People can transcend and overcome their differences and be very easily bonded.
JEFF FORTENBERRY If I'm on form and I'm not being bothered too much by mental problems or whatever, I can whi...
JEFF BECK It's not a born-again thing; it was a peaceful, really, really cool moment where I just felt tha...
JEFF FISHER For the first time I could remember, I felt weak, woozy and stupid— like a human-being. Like a ver...
JEFF LINDSAY There is no such thing as political science, but there are tenancies so strong that they might as we...
JEFF GREENFIELD Stop trying to treat music like it's a tennis shoe, something to be branded. If the music indust...
JEFF TWEEDY For special wrestlers, there's somewhere else to go - as long as you're not brainwashed by t...
JEFF HARDY From the industry's point of view, the problem is not that coal companies blast the top off moun...
JEFF GOODELL I'm lying in my bed, blanket is warm, this body will never keep me safe from harm. I still feel ...
JEFF BUCKLEY I am not going to approve the home-screening format for my film just carte blanche in lieu of a thea...
JEFF NICHOLS Editorial pages all say, 'Well, the other guy has a point, too. It remains to be seen how this w...
JEFF MACNELLY I am not the Jeff Sessions my detractors have tried to create. I am not a racist. I am not insensiti...
JEFF SESSIONS I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
JEFF FOXWORTHY Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of the...
JEFF ZASLOW But there is a limit to thinking about even a small piece of something monumental. You still see the...
JEFF VANDERMEER I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better th...
JEFF LINDSAY You can't do everything but you can do something!
JEFF DIXON Acting is nothing more or less than playing. The idea is to humanize life.
JEFF GOLDBLUM Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
JEFF VALDEZ Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
JEFF PESIS Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
JEFF DALY Change happens in the boiler room of our emotions... so find out how to light their fires.
JEFF DEWAR We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there alw...
JEFF WARNER I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
JEFF FOXWORTHY Do you remember how slowly the days passed when you were a child? An 80-mile car trip seemed endless...
JEFF DAVIDSON The beaten path is the safest, but the traffics terrible.
JEFF TAYLOR What are the best times to reflect on the course of your life? Whenever you are near water, such as ...
JEFF DAVIDSON Ask yourself, If I had only sixty seconds on the stage, what would I absolutely have to say to get m...
JEFF DEWAR The constant dilemma of the information age is that our ability to gathera sea of data greatly excee...
JEFF DAVIDSON We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
JEFF ARDER When a heart breaks it also opens -Jeff Arch- screenwriter.
JEFF ARCH Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
JEFF DALY If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the wor...
JEFF FOXWORTHY You think Nature is some Disney movie? Nature is a killer. Nature is a bitch. It's feeding time out ...
JEFF MELVOIN The law is not so much carved in stone as it is written in water, flowing in and out with the tide.
JEFF MELVOIN Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
JEFF VALDEZ George Washington had a vision for this country. Was it three days of uninterrupted shopping?
JEFF MELVOIN My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not ...
JEFF FOXWORTHY Sexually,we are all competing for the same seat on the bus and the thing that holds it together is t...
JEFF MELVOIN When people are committed to things, and the world view they have is no longer in alignment with our...
JEFF BAENA There are so many books I love for different reasons. For superhero stuff, I always go back to Alan ...
JEFF LEMIRE I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He&#...
JEFF ZUCKER If you only do things where you know the answer in advance, your company goes away.
JEFF BEZOS I think we're programmed for hardship. In my experience, human beings are happiest when they'...
JEFF CARLSON Kids can sniff out when they are being preached to, and they don't like it. So while my books ar...
JEFF KINNEY There's also a lot of gritty Americana type of bands. I actually have a lot of Britpop on my iPo...
JEFF VANDERMEER With a nation at war against terrorism and our men and women on the front line defending our homelan...
JEFF MILLER The funny thing about 'Take Shelter' is that a lot of people talk about how it was allegory ...
JEFF NICHOLS The basic social contract is that citizens agree to follow the law, pay their taxes, and devote thei...
JEFF SESSIONS The enemies of freedom are waging an all-out assault on the Second Amendment to the Constitution, wh...
JEFF DUNCAN I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see...
JEFF DUNHAM I would go to bed every night and have dreams about having a time machine and somehow I'd have t...
JEFF MANGUM Today, energy prices are at historic highs. Some analysts estimate that energy price shocks this yea...
JEFF BINGAMAN I'm a chairperson for 'No Kid Hungry', a campaign for poor American children.
JEFF BRIDGES As a strong supporter of our 2nd Amendment rights, I believe tougher enforcement of our nation's...
JEFF MILLER This was one of the places people told me to go, it was one the big trips that you should see: Alask...
JEFF GOLDBLUM When we talk about the things at Airbnb that are challenging and that they are going to have to over...
JEFF JORDAN Airbnb started with 'air bed and breakfast.'
JEFF JORDAN I don't think our government really has much of a policy about air travel. I would compare the p...
JEFF SMISEK I don't know any artists that are really emotionally well adjusted. In fact, I think we're a...
JEFF BUCKLEY A company shouldn't get addicted to being shiny, because shiny doesn't last.
JEFF BEZOS It is a significant acknowledgment that the way people are watching television is changing and the m...
JEFF ZUCKER Critics... They're like traffic cops. They say what they have to say, then leave, and another gu...
JEFF BUCKLEY Just because an individual in his 30s hasn't found true love and, yes, there are opportunities t...
JEFF GARCIA Marriage has been defined by every legislature that has ever sat in the United States from every Sta...
JEFF SESSIONS If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the wor...
JEFF FOXWORTHY Corn is already the most subsidized crop in America, raking in a total of $51 billion in federal han...
JEFF GOODELL The 2004 Election marks the first time in modern political history that Republican voter turnout mat...
JEFF MILLER Reconciliation is a special budget procedure to change entitlement and tax laws. It cannot be filibu...
JEFF MILLER It is no secret that our tax code is drastically outdated and burdensome to all Americans. Fortunate...
JEFF MILLER I, in fact, have been involved in the construction of and the management of wastewater treatment pla...
JEFF MILLER Every American knows there are government expenses that are absolutely not necessary. I disagree wit...
JEFF MILLER As a taxpayer, I want to assure you that Republicans are doing everything we can to reduce wasteful ...
JEFF MILLER It is not secret here in Congress we have not had the discipline in many instances to keep our hands...
JEFF MILLER I've often argued that oil and gas exploration is a state's rights issue. It is abundantly c...
JEFF MILLER I have always been a firm believer in the longstanding American principle of having the right to bea...
JEFF MILLER Far too often we see attention paid to the firearm and not the criminal.
JEFF MILLER All are free to believe or not believe; all are free to practice a faith or not. But those who belie...
JEFF MILLER According to the U.S. Census, the most common reason people give for not voting is that they were to...
JEFF MILLER I think it's unconscionable for a Senator from Massachusetts to come down here and tell the peop...
JEFF MILLER I continue to vote against such spending increases, but sometimes I think some of my Republican coll...
JEFF MILLER Democrats have no agenda, no plan for the future, and no sense of leadership.
JEFF MILLER Second, the facility at Guantanamo Bay is necessary to national security.
JEFF MILLER The marriage of a man and woman is the most enduring human institution, honored in all cultures and ...
JEFF MILLER In our open society, we are inclined to give to the less fortunate for the pure goodness of giving. ...
JEFF MILLER That future depends on the values of self-government, our sense of duty, loyalty, self-confidence an...
JEFF MILLER We need religion as a guide. We need it because we are imperfect. Our government needs the church, b...
JEFF MILLER The democratic process is only as great as the people who participate in it.
JEFF MILLER To be able to always have a super sense of who I was and my own real identity and be petty and seem ...
JEFF GOLDBLUM The human brain is an incredible pattern-matching machine.
JEFF BEZOS All flowers in time bend towards the sun, I know you say there's no one for you, But here is one...
JEFF BUCKLEY I don't really need to be remembered. I hope the music's remembered.
JEFF BUCKLEY Legislation is the only lasting solution for the men and women brought to this country through no fa...
JEFF DENHAM Decades of scientific research has proven that carbon pollution is harmful to human health and cause...
JEFF MERKLEY Great industries are never made from single companies. There is room in space for a lot of winners.
JEFF BEZOS I'm skeptical of any mission that has advertisers at its centerpiece.
JEFF BEZOS The perception of Donald Trump in capitals around the world is shaped, in many ways, by CNN. Continu...
JEFF ZUCKER The best customer service is if the customer doesn't need to call you, doesn't need to talk ...
JEFF BEZOS I've never run into a person who yearns for their middle school days.
JEFF KINNEY In reality, studies show that investments to spur renewable energy and boost energy efficiency gener...
JEFF GOODELL Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there...
JEFF DUNHAM I'm often loose with my tongue. I may have said something about the NAACP being un-American or C...
JEFF SESSIONS I've always been at the intersection of computers and whatever they can revolutionize.
JEFF BEZOS A brand for a company is like a reputation for a person. You earn reputation by trying to do hard th...
JEFF BEZOS I belong to the political party that generally fits my philosophical beliefs, but I reserve the righ...
JEFF FORTENBERRY The House of Representatives should not be locked down by the decided play of a few in leadership.
JEFF FORTENBERRY Being myself is what got me to where I am.
JEFF HARDY The willingness of America's veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting g...
JEFF MILLER I think fear is what keeps us from going over the edge. I mean, as a race car driver, I don't th...
JEFF GORDON What we need to do is always lean into the future; when the world changes around you and when it cha...
JEFF BEZOS I first read 'Tom Sawyer' when I was in 8th grade, 13 years old. I realised since that Mark ...
JEFF NICHOLS If you do build a great experience, customers tell each other about that. Word of mouth is very powe...
JEFF BEZOS If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a red...
JEFF FOXWORTHY I think all the garbage in the world is thanks to a very small handful of idiots.
JEFF DUNHAM I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be...
JEFF KINNEY Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls an...
JEFF FOXWORTHY Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
JEFF FOXWORTHY There'll always be serendipity involved in discovery.
JEFF BEZOS Your reaction when you lose control in a situation is to try and hang on tighter.
JEFF NICHOLS Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands.
JEFF COOPER Imagine if Congress always put the interests of polluters ahead of the health of our families. Our r...
JEFF MERKLEY My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto t...
JEFF DUNHAM A single moment spent in a business meeting or at a pub is more than enough to reveal the basic huma...
JEFF LINDSAY Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I h...
JEFF LINDSAY Their conversation ceased abruptly with the entry of an oddly-shaped man whose body resembled a cert...
JEFF PHILLIPS I used to be on the Lincoln City Council. You learn that there's never enough money for all of t...
JEFF FORTENBERRY By now, we all know that Hollywood producers always chase after the same properties, that the sharks...
JEFF GILES Is that why you're crying?"
(...) "It's just hormones," she said. "I didn't want anyone to see....
JEFF LINDSAY ¿Acaso no estábamos todos locos cuando dormíamos? ¿Qué era el sueño, al fin y al cabo, sino el...
JEFF LINDSAY Pero, por triste que sea, la vida no siempre imita al arte. -Dexter
JEFF LINDSAY That left either magical powers or coincidence, and although I have nothing at all against Harry Pot...
JEFF LINDSAY Cualquiera puede ser encantador si no le importa mentir y decir todas las cosas estúpidas, obvias y...
JEFF LINDSAY She stared at me "You have a message," she said. "On you machine."
I looked over at my answerin...
JEFF LINDSAY I let it ring. I wanted to breathe for a few minutes, and I could think of nothing that couldn't wai...
JEFF LINDSAY Rectory always sounded to me like a place you would find a proctologist.
JEFF LINDSAY After a long moment I closed the freezer door. I wanted to lie down and press my cheek against the c...
JEFF LINDSAY But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint d...
JEFF LINDSAY It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep...
JEFF LINDSAY It’s an odd term, 'girlfriend,' particularly for grown persons. And in practice it provides an eve...
JEFF LINDSAY Still, it's always nice to be around somebody who thinks I am wonderful. It confirms my low opinion ...
JEFF LINDSAY the faster it ran away from me. And I found myself reasoning that perhaps one more beer would unlock...
JEFF LINDSAY …a cheerful black shadow reared up behind him as he spoke, thundering a happy challenge to my Dark...
JEFF LINDSAY When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultiva...
JEFF LINDSAY What a terrible thing life can be.
JEFF LINDSAY It really is better to be lucky than to be good.
JEFF LINDSAY It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that...
JEFF LINDSAY What do you want a clock for?” “To find out what time it is,” I said. “I think that’s the ...
JEFF LINDSAY And once again I found myself wondering, as I drifted off to stunned and unbelieving sleep:How do th...
JEFF LINDSAY It's that moon again, slung so fat and low in the tropical night, calling out across a curdled sky a...
JEFF LINDSAY It revealed a cruelty that really made one wonder if the universe was such a good idea after all.
JEFF LINDSAY