When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award.

One of my school friends' parents owned a minigolf course, and a bunch of us kids would play there all day in the summer. Two-under deuces was a good score.

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right.

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.

My motto is: more good times.

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.