Bill Engvall quote: "When 'Blue Collar TV' was on the 'WB,' we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn't know what to do with us. They had 'Reba,' which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn't want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers."

There's a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United State...
BILL ENGVALL

If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.
BILL ENGVALL

I'm a blue collar guy.
BILL ENGVALL

I'd like to see the Amazon rainforests before they're all gone, and also the Galapagos - tha...
BILL ENGVALL

I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you f...
BILL ENGVALL

I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
BILL ENGVALL

Jeff Foxworthy Show.
BILL ENGVALL

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I ...
BILL ENGVALL

Blue Collar TV
BILL ENGVALL

When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's n...
BILL ENGVALL

I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them fi...
BILL ENGVALL

It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm stil...
BILL ENGVALL

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
BILL ENGVALL

If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice...
BILL ENGVALL

I was doing a bit that stupid people should be slapped. But the more I did it, the more I didn't...
BILL ENGVALL

I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'
BILL ENGVALL

It's fun being Bill Engvall.
BILL ENGVALL

I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.
BILL ENGVALL

I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.
BILL ENGVALL

There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.
BILL ENGVALL

What I do is not regional comedy, and it is not based in the southern area.
BILL ENGVALL

I like to hang on to cars. I'm not one of these guys that goes flipping cars all the time. If I ...
BILL ENGVALL

I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
BILL ENGVALL

People all over are finding themselves in jobs they never thought they'd be in.
BILL ENGVALL

I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
BILL ENGVALL

If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity...
BILL ENGVALL

My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have th...
BILL ENGVALL

I've really got no complaints.
BILL ENGVALL

I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I...
BILL ENGVALL

To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love...
BILL ENGVALL

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you kno...
BILL MAHER

No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between fri...
BILL MURRAY

President Obama is a utopian at heart. He wants to improve the lives of the downtrodden, which is a ...
BILL O'REILLY

Since the time of St. Jerome, it was mandatory for any kind of scholar or thinker to spend time out ...
BILL VIOLA

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
BILL WATTERSON

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.
BILL WATTERSON

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that...
BILL WATTERSON

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.
BILL WATTERSON

We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves an...
BILL WATTERSON

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's differ...
BILL WATTERSON

The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't wa...
BILL WATTERSON

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
BILL WATTERSON

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a...
BILL WATTERSON

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
BILL WATTERSON

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
BILL WATTERSON

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
BILL WATTERSON

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
BILL WATTERSON

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
BILL WATTERSON

Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell.
BILL COPELAND

Keep your word. Honor commitments, and they will double back to honor you.
BILL RANCIC

Historically, privacy was almost implicit, because it was hard to find and gather information. But i...
BILL GATES

The outside perception and inside perception of Microsoft are so different. The view of Microsoft in...
BILL GATES

According to Ethiopian custom, parents wait to name a baby because children often die in the first w...
BILL GATES

My son likes to go see mines and electric plants, or the Large Hadron Collider, and we've had a ...
BILL GATES

Like any well designed software product, Windows is designed, developed and tested as an integrated ...
BILL GATES

The quality of research in the U.S. is absolutely the best.
BILL GATES

The bulk of the universities are about teaching kids.
BILL GATES

People want to watch whatever video they want to watch whenever they want to watch. If you provision...
BILL GATES

In K-12, almost everybody goes to local schools. Universities are a bit different because kids actua...
BILL GATES

My wife thinks she's better than me at puzzles. I haven't given in on that one yet.
BILL GATES

In low-income countries, getting to a health post is hard. It's very expensive.
BILL GATES

I think there will be PCs at every price point.
BILL GATES

I don't have a magic formula for prioritizing the world's problems.
BILL GATES

The truth of Moore's law has made remarkable things possible. On the software side, I think natu...
BILL GATES

The only definition by which America's best days are behind it is on a purely relative basis.
BILL GATES

Digital reading will completely take over. It's lightweight and it's fantastic for sharing. ...
BILL GATES

At Microsoft there are lots of brilliant ideas but the image is that they all come from the top - I&...
BILL GATES

I never took a day off in my twenties. Not one. And I'm still fanatical, but now I'm a littl...
BILL GATES

Polio's pretty special because once you get an eradication, you no longer have to spend money on...
BILL GATES

I remember thinking quite logically that I didn't want to spoil my children with wealth and so t...
BILL GATES

To create a new standard, it takes something that's not just a little bit different; it takes so...
BILL GATES

Money has no utility to me beyond a certain point.
BILL GATES

People everywhere love Windows.
BILL GATES

I'm never fully satisfied with any Microsoft product.
BILL GATES

The general idea of the rich helping the poor, I think, is important.
BILL GATES

If I'd had some set idea of a finish line, don't you think I would have crossed it years ago...
BILL GATES

Exposure from a young age to the realities of the world is a super-big thing.
BILL GATES

Connectivity enables transparency for better government, education, and health.
BILL GATES

I have been struck again and again by how important measurement is to improving the human condition.
BILL GATES

China adopted a capitalist system in the 1980s, and they went from a 60% poverty rate to 10%.
BILL GATES

The best teacher is very interactive.
BILL GATES

Technology is unlocking the innate compassion we have for our fellow human beings.
BILL GATES

The tablet is not mainstream. Reading off the screen is not mainstream.
BILL GATES

Whether it's Google or Apple or free software, we've got some fantastic competitors and it k...
BILL GATES

I'm a geek.
BILL GATES

I know there's a farmer out there somewhere who never wants a PC and that's fine with me.
BILL GATES

If you go back to 1800, everybody was poor. I mean everybody. The Industrial Revolution kicked in, a...
BILL GATES

Go empower yourself. You need confidence because the one thing that bullying does is it belittles yo...
BILL GOLDBERG

As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others.
BILL GATES

Paper is no longer a big part of my day. I get 90% of my news online, and when I go to a meeting and...
BILL GATES

Treatment without prevention is simply unsustainable.
BILL GATES

If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.
BILL GATES

Discrimination has a lot of layers that make it tough for minorities to get a leg up.
BILL GATES

We all need people who will give us feedback. That's how we improve.
BILL GATES

In the old generation, if one kid bought a PlayStation 2 and the other kid bought an Xbox, at his ho...
BILL GATES

The U.S. immigration laws are bad - really, really bad. I'd say treatment of immigrants is one o...
BILL GATES

This is a fantastic time to be entering the business world, because business is going to change more...
BILL GATES

The worst pandemic in modern history was the Spanish flu of 1918, which killed tens of millions of p...
BILL GATES

Expectations are a form of first-class truth: If people believe it, it's true.
BILL GATES

Nobody spends any money on smallpox unless they worry about a bio-terrorist recreating it.
BILL GATES

For a highly motivated learner, it's not like knowledge is secret and somehow the Internet made ...
BILL GATES

In business, the idea of measuring what you are doing, picking the measurements that count like cust...
BILL GATES

Nuclear energy, in terms of an overall safety record, is better than other energy.
BILL GATES

People always fear change. People feared electricity when it was invented, didn't they? People f...
BILL GATES

By improving health, empowering women, population growth comes down.
BILL GATES

Innovation is moving at a scarily fast pace.
BILL GATES

Microsoft is not about greed. It's about innovation and fairness.
BILL GATES

I believe that if you show people the problems and you show them the solutions they will be moved to...
BILL GATES

Capitalism has worked very well. Anyone who wants to move to North Korea is welcome.
BILL GATES

Today a minimum wage earner has to work a day and a half just to pay for a full tank of gas. That is...
BILL PASCRELL

I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted - stay up all night or e...
BILL BRYSON

Under many current state laws, minors who have been victims of trafficking are charged as criminals ...
BILL FLORES

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
BILL COSBY

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
BILL WATTERSON

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what&...
BILL COSBY

If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them an...
BILL COSBY

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not ...
BILL COSBY

There are two sides to every story, and sometimes three, four, and five.
BILL COSBY

When I say, I don't care what white people think, I mean that.
BILL COSBY

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what ...
BILL COSBY

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
BILL COSBY

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituari...
BILL COSBY

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of yo...
BILL COSBY

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
BILL COSBY

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: e...
BILL COSBY

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
BILL COSBY

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
BILL COSBY

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. I...
BILL COSBY

By the 1960s, many of us believed that the Civil Rights Movement could eliminate racism in America d...
BILL COSBY

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
BILL COSBY

Anytime I get down to Miami, it's a wonderful thing.
BILL GOLDBERG

I have realized over time that I missed the mark with HyperCard. I grew up in a box-centric culture ...
BILL ATKINSON

As a father, you want the best for your son, quite obviously. You want to create the best memories f...
BILL GOLDBERG

Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.
BILL MURRAY

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you'...
BILL HICKS

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, b...
BILL BURR

There are more people dying of malaria than any specific cancer.
BILL GATES

The man who rows the boat seldom has time to rock it.
BILL COPELAND

I can't negate the theory that the Huxtables on 'The Cosby Show' may have helped pave th...
BILL COSBY

A buddy will keep you honest and add a dimension of fun to your workout.
BILL TOOMEY

Someday, somehow, the leadership of Planned Parenthood will have to answer for their callous disrega...
BILL FLORES

One of my gripes about movies is that people take them so seriously, and the moneymaking aspects are...
BILL MURRAY

Words are the children of reason and, therefore, can't explain it. They really can't transla...
BILL EVANS

I bugged my mom and dad to 'get me inside the television set' when I was about four years ol...
BILL MUMY

I just became one with my browser software.
BILL GRIFFITH

No matter how much you've won, no matter how many games, no matter how many championships, no ma...
BILL PARCELLS

I don't think there's a... boundary between digital media and print media. Every magazine is...
BILL GATES

People in the West like to shoot things. When they first got to the West they shot buffalo. Once the...
BILL BRYSON

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence brief...
BILL MAHER

William Andrews Clark was caught in a bribery scandal during a campaign for the U.S. Senate - he was...
BILL DEDMAN

The International Brigades and the British volunteers were, numerically, only a small part of the Re...
BILL ALEXANDER

The anger in the Brigade against those who fought the Republic in the rear was sharpened by reports ...
BILL ALEXANDER

Being a broadcaster encompasses the business of sport, which is my life today, and it encompasses th...
BILL WALTON

Chick Hearn was my favorite broadcaster ever - he's the one who taught me to think basketball, h...
BILL WALTON

The great thing about being a broadcaster is you have this incredible responsibility to the people t...
BILL WALTON

Good writing is clear thinking made visible.
BILL WHEELER

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.
BILL WATTERSON

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
BILL WATTERSON

We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON

I just read this great science fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and tur...
BILL WATTERSON

Enemy fighters at two o'clock!Roger. What should I do until then?
BILL WATTERSON

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
BILL WATTERSON

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON

Black holes are where God divided by zero.
BILL WATTERSON

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried ...
BILL WATTERSON

I remember being unbelievable bummed when 'Freaks and Geeks' was canceled.
BILL HADER

We use the people who are in the bullpen producing.
BILL EVANS

After every massacre in a school, Americans grasp at quick cures. 'Let's install metal detec...
BILL DEDMAN

There's no magic line between an application and an operating system that some bureaucrat in Was...
BILL GATES

The long view of the Census bureau allows some changes that are taken for granted to be studied in m...
BILL DEDMAN

In the Woodstock movie, you see Justin, my son, who is now a filmmaker, being carried off by my wife...
BILL KREUTZMANN

The malaria parasite has been killing children and sapping the strength of whole populations for ten...
BILL GATES

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all th...
BILL WATTERSON

I have an addiction to caffeine.
BILL AYERS

Microsoft Research has a thing called the Sense Cam that, as you walk around, it's taking photos...
BILL GATES

Probably the single most important evolutionary trait dogs developed was right there at the outset, ...
BILL BUFORD

Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to ge...
BILL MURRAY

Ask any successful person to look back over the events of his or her life, and chances are there'...
BILL RANCIC

A city built on rivers and bituminous coal, Pittsburgh in the '90s has survived the boom and bus...
BILL DEDMAN

You know those adages about smelling the roses and chasing butterflies? The markets are my butterfli...
BILL GROSS

Many visitors to Chicago know the Loop, the shops on the Magnificent Mile, and the Museum Campus. Me...
BILL DEDMAN

The hardest achievement in acting - in my opinion, anyway - is nailing a role that absolutely nobody...
BILL SIMMONS

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For w...
BILL MAHER

Brand names are well known to business school professors, but only one professor is a brand name her...
BILL DEDMAN

Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway....
BILL COSBY

Leadership is an active role; 'lead' is a verb. But the leader who tries to do it all is hea...
BILL OWENS

Our first responsibility is to protect the American people and we cannot put on blinders to expect t...
BILL SHUSTER

I just try to do the best job I possibly can - put the blinders on, go to work and be the best you c...
BILL PARCELLS

Gordon Ramsay grew up in a tourist town, Stratford-Upon-Avon, but in a part tourists don't visit...
BILL BUFORD

You have to have a certain realism that government is a pretty blunt instrument, and without the con...
BILL GATES

Bluegrass is wonderful music. I'm glad I originated it.
BILL MONROE

A good hitting instructor is able to mold his teaching to the individual. If a guy stands on his hea...
BILL ROBINSON

Jason McDermott's political career, however bogus, appears to have had an early and promising st...
BILL DEDMAN

All my memories of being in Las Vegas with Bobby were great. Frank Sinatra brought us to the Sands H...
BILL MEDLEY

No matter how good you get, there's always something further out there.
BILL WALTON

Television isn't inherently good or bad. You go to a bookstore, there are how many thousands of ...
BILL NYE

I think when Kevin Nash put himself on the booking committee and then gave me my first loss, that wa...
BILL GOLDBERG

Bill Engvall

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