What is the point of living forever if you are stuck on a permanent diet of leaves and twigs?

CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan.... If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might be a bit more exciting.

CUSTOMER: I don’t know why she wants it, but my wife asked for a copy of The Dinosaur Cookbook.

BOOKSELLER: The Dinah Shore Cookbook?

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What's this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough!

It also makes my father right again. How will I ever soar with the eagles if I'm surrounded by turkeys?