What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

I am the Alexander Graham Bell of the phone company, the Christopher Columbus of America because after 'The Twist' everything changed, ... Watch the films from 1958 up to 1959, and watch American Bandstand during that time. After the song came out, everything was different.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.