Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.

We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

I just read this great science fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and turn them into zombie slaves! . . . HEY! What time is it?? My TV show is on!