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We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.


Groucho Marx

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We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
NICK MIROV Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.
HUBERT H. HUMPHREY A real man doesn't stand behind his woman... He stands next to her
RANA MAGDY If a woman stands behind you, respect her; if she stands beside you, cherish her; if she stands with...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO Behind every man who achieves success, Stands a mother, a wife and the IRS
ETHEL JACOBSON Behind every successful man, there is a woman; and behind her there is envy...
ANKALA V SUBBARAO Behind every writer stands a very large bookshelf.
JUSTIN CRONIN James stands behind his talk in the ring. And Rahman doesn't.
DAN GOOSSEN Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
HUBERT H. HUMPHREY Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
HUBERT HUMPHREY Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
MARYON PEARSON Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
SHORT QUOTES Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee
STEPHANIE PIRO A number means nothing until something stands behind it
FERNANDO DEL MORAL He stands with his hands in his pockets, well-dressed and self-assured, with his life before him and...
EDMUND DE WAAL “Behind every successful man there is a woman” --- If a husband does not sacrifice his wishes fo...
MUHAMMAD ABDULLAH JAVED Robinson later retracted his insane cannibalism charge ? but said that he stands ''behind everything...
RANDALL ROBINSON Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
HAROLD COFFIN Think P.I.G. - that’s my motto. P stands for Persistence, I stands for Integrity, and G stands for ...
LINDA CHANDLER Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
JIM CARREY Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
MIKE PENCE Law is nothing unless close behind it stands a warm, living public opinion.
WENDELL PHILLIPS Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
HAROLD COFFIN You never know when your future wife might be in the stands.
J. R. SMITH Think P.I.G. - that’s my motto. P stands for Persistence, I stands for Integrity, and G stands for...
LINDA CHANDLER Creating Keepsakes has been a primary influence behind a phenomenon that today stands as a multi-bil...
JACQUELINE BLUM A strong woman stands up for herself. A stronger woman stands up for everyone else.
UNKNOWN The business of obscuring language is a mask behind which stands the much bigger business of plunder...
FRANTZ FANON To have a film in America means precisely nothing if you don't have a distributor who stands behind ...
ARTHUR COHN A man who stands in front of a woman does nothing more that block her view. She needs a man standing...
PENELOPE DOUGLAS I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The community that stands behind a culture as a comprehensively productive personality must be so ex...
EDITH STEIN Every young man would do well to remember that all successful business stands on the foundation of m...
HENRY WARD BEECHER Behind every successful fortune there is a crime.
MARIO PUZO Behind every wise successful man is a women
DEICY ZULEICA GONZALEZ What the F.D.I.C. does is to put the full faith and credit of the United States government behind ev...
NICK CLOONEY If a woman stands in a kitchen rubbing her eyes and pouring coffee with no one there to see her, doe...
MARYA HORNBACHER There's a great woman behind every idiot.
JOHN LENNON A man may stand for the justice of God, but a woman stands for His Mercy.
FULTON J. SHEEN The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Behind every successful athlete there is a responsible coach.
PAUL BAMIKOLE Behind every successful man lurks a truly amazed ex-mother-in-law.
JOHN CHRUSCIEL On the left side of a strong woman, stands a strong man; he is strengthened by her character.
ELLEN J. BARRIER Behind every successful man there's a lot of unsuccessful years.
BOB BROWN And behind every man who's a failure there's a woman, too!
JOHN RUGE Especially today as we fight the war on terror - against an enemy that represents hatred, extremism ...
BILL SHUSTER We'd like our federal law enforcement agencies to know the American Muslim community stands firmly b...
ARSALAN IFTIKHAR We had a come-from-behind homecoming win that year that really stands out in my mind. One of the gam...
HAL MUMME Our products are safe and have always been safe, and Ag-Mart stands behind its commitment to its wor...
LEO BOTTARY Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
MARYON PEARSON The idea behind these boxes is that they are useful as tables, bedside stands, or even as chairs, an...
RAPHAEL COHEN In terms of comprehensive national prowess, China stands among the secondary tier of world powers, g...
WANG LING The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Every pulpit is a pillory, in which stands a hired culprit, defending the justice of his own impriso...
ROBERT GREEN INGERSOLL A man who stands in front of a woman does nothing more than block her view. She needs a man standing...
PENELOPE DOUGLAS As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
JOHN LENNON As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot
JOHN LENNON When you're asked to stay out of a bar you don't just punch the owner--you come back with your army ...
HUNTER S. THOMPSON Behind every successful man there's a lot of unsuccessful years.
BOB BROWN Behind every successful man there are usually a lot of unsuccessful years.
Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stand...
MAYA ANGELOU I have no problem whatsoever with a kind of political overview or an ideological overview for any of...
TOM BROKAW Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mr. Graham, your honor, stands on his presumption of innocence and rests, I decided the best way to ...
DAN COGDELL Here is one fact 1 minute to finish the class, 1 day to die, one day behind that fact, one day in th...
DEYTH BANGER Behind every clever man is an even cleverer woman.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO While you were busy trying to prove God stands behind you, God was before me lighting the trail, so ...
SHANNON L. ALDER A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Childhood is the one story that stands by itself in every soul.
IVAN DOIG Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW He who stands with his face to the East in the morning will have the sun before him. If he does not ...
DANIEL DE LEON It stands for diversity. It stands for vision and strength. It stands for belief in the right things...
JOHN CARLOS Tomorrow's God says that every church is 'his church,' and every faith is 'her faith,' and every sou...
NEALE DONALD WALSCH When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up...
CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business.
WILL ROGERS We know that most problems in hospitals are not due to one bad doctor or one bad nurse. Problems com...
JEAN CHENOWETH Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story.
MARTY RUBIN It is a good man who stands up for his friends, but an honorable man who stands up for his enemies.
VIOLET HABERDASHER The esthete stands in the same relation to beauty as the pornographer stands to love, and the politi...
KARL KRAUS If this particular company and this particular country does not join the modern economy, it stands e...
DAVID KOMANSKY He like a rock in the sea unshaken stands his ground.
VIRGIL He like a rock in the sea unshaken stands his ground.
DAVID TUVILL It is important to let every employee know where he or she stands throughout his or her time in your...
CLAY CLARK Behind every working woman is an enormous pile of unwashed laundry.
BARBARA DALE Too often we make it more about what stands before us, and we miss all that stands within us.
CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH My family is like a sanctuary to me. I always turn to them for support and strength. I take comfort ...
BENJAMIN BRATT Behind every unsuccessful man was a woman telling him to get a real job.
KRIS HUEN Ignorance is avoiding that which stands in front of me out of the misplaced hope that it will put wh...
CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH I know that every good and excellent thing in the world stands moment by moment on the razor-edge of...
THORNTON WILDER We go out to play for His honor, His glory and His grace. He's the number one fan in the stands.
JAMEY CARROLL The faulty stands on his guard.
GEORGE HERBERT This resolution is further proof that Congress stands firmly behind our troops and remains resolved ...
JOHN DOOLITTLE No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed ...
GODFREY WINN No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed ...
HAROLD MACMILLAN As behind every beautiful girl, there is a stupid guy, who did her wrong and made her strong; so beh...
DR HITESH C SHETH

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX