War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.

LETTUCE, n. An herb of the genus _Lactuca_, "Wherewith," says that pious gastronome, Hengist Pelly, "God has been pleased to reward the good and punish the wicked. For by his inner light the righteous man has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire, being reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil, the entire comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to shine. But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted to the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil, mustard, egg, salt and garlic, and with a rascal bath of vinegar polluted with sugar. Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth suffers an intestinal pang of strange complexity and raises the song."

What this country needs - what every country needs occasionally - is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends

OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief."Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God."No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them.""The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something --the mortality of the optimist."

OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.