Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.


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The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
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Wandering around the web is like living in a world in which every doorway is actually one of those s...
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Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you ...
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I taught myself to play the guitar by listening to Paul Simon records, working it out note by note. ...
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I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
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Life? Don't talk to me about life!
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The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angr...
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The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.
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The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss
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Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
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In fact there was only one species on the planet more intelligent than dolphins, and they spent a lo...
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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy...
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The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a dou...
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O Deep Thought computer," he said, "the task we have designed you to perform is this. We want you to...
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Man has always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much......
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The Answer to the Great Question Of.....Life, the Universe and Everything.....(is) Forty-two.
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The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.
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One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit o...
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Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, though...
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The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong i...
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Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys ...
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The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sen...
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Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have...
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It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an Airport' appear.
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In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and...
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Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
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He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was...
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Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of...
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Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may...
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The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existenc...
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The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola
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Even traveling despondently is better than arriving here.
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The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a...
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My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre,' h...
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Same as you, Arthur. I hitched a ride. After all, with a degree in maths and another in astrophysics...
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He actually caught himself saying things like "Yippee," as he pranced ridiculously round the house.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non...
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