Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.