Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

At my age flowers scare me.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.