FastSaying

To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the
existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably far
more. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped
and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the
world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced
military and civilian radar operators.>>


George Carlin

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

The man holding my hand was slim and wiry. Cropped black hair framed a face full of angles. He studi...
SHARON HINCK I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES The COUNTRY is controlled by LAWS>
LAWS are controlled by POLITICIANS>
POLITICIANS a...
WILLIAM J. FEDERER People are always trying to understand.
There is only one way to do that.
It is to discove...
IDRIES SHAH The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy.
Find your sugar daddy
>>>>>...
GREASE I sit beside the fire and think
Of all that I have seen
Of meadow flowers and butterflies...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN All existence is in vain: unexplained and sterile. I’ll
end up alone with all my doubts that ...
E.C. LEMUS Take hold of your own life.
See that the whole existence is celebrating.
These trees are n...
OSHO When I reach my mountain top I will step off and follow the clouds all the way to the top of the wor...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS If you want to be sure of unusual thing such as aliens or UFOs,
then you have to think about i...
TOBA BETA It's rest I want--there, I have said it out--
From cooking meals for hungry hired men
And wash...
ROBERT FROST Through countless births in the cycle of existence
I have run, not finding
although seek...
GAUTAMA BUDDHA As for life,
I'm humbled,
I'm without words
sufficient to say

how it has b...
MARY OLIVER <spoiler>Azrael...

In a flash, they disappeared. The path, the gate, the dem...
MELISSA DE LA CRUZ All night my heart makes its way
however it can over the rough ground
of uncertainties, bu...
MARY OLIVER I mean, have you ever imagined

the ocean is alive, and needs to tell us something importa...
JEFFREY MCDANIEL Disconnection, separation, division, detachment, disassociation - these are all words that describe<...
JACKIE ALAN GIULIANO KEY OF LIFE

The key of life
Symbolizes the map
Of existence.
Once you free...
SUZY KASSEM "Conversation"

God and I in space alone . . .
and nobody else in view . . .
"And wh...
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX As it is there isn't a single thing isn't an opportunity for some 'alert' person, including practica...
CHARLES OLSON Leonardo believed his research had the
potential to convert millions to a more spiritual life. ...
DAN BROWN Looking for Your Face

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your fac...
JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI I mean, have you ever imagined

the ocean is alive, and needs to tell us something importa...
JEFFREY MCDANIEL All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
An...
RUDYARD KIPLING This is an ode to life.
The anthem of the world.
For as there are billions
of differe...
KAMAND KOJOURI Drift me away along with the dust traveling to infinity.
To another world where it feels more a...
SALINA KHAN KINGDOM OF THE WOMB

From her thighs, she gives you life
And how you treat she who gi...
SUZY KASSEM I remember sitting in bed, as a child
looking up at the ceiling
I couldn’t sleep, of cou...
JUSTIN WETCH What is more, in fact, we very soon look upon the world as something whose non-existence is not only...
ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER Ithaka

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of ...
CONSTANTINOS P. CAVAFIS WHAT IS TRUTH?

Truth is not a thing
Or a concept.
It is as multidimensional
SUZY KASSEM -Desiderata-

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may...
MAX EHRMANN So here I am, in the middle way, having had twenty years-
Twenty years largely wasted, the year...
T.S. ELIOT From her thighs, she gives you life
And how you treat she who gives you life
Shows how muc...
SUZY KASSEM Do you wish the world were happy?
Then remember day by day
Just to scatter seeds of kindness...
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX Sounds Is Love of All, the World
Sounds create soulful existence,
When the ...
JOHN SHELTON JONES In my qualified opinion as a Biblical scholar, there is 'massive' and overwhelming historical eviden...
R. ALAN WOODS One of the greatest gifts
That life can give to anyone
Is the very special love that families...
CRAIG S. TUNKS The Awakening

I dreamed that I was a rose
That grew beside a lonely way,
JAMES WELDON JOHNSON Don't bother

Me with promises. Vows
are cheaply manufactured,
come with no gua...
ELLEN HOPKINS Perfect knowledge is hallowed ground. It caresses you, cradles you with the barbed wire of truth. It...
ADDISON MOORE Life by life and love by love
We passed through the cycles strange,
And breath by breath and...
LANGDON SMITH Human as an intellectual being needs answers about the existence for the purpose of knowing the way ...
ZAMAN ALI I reached down and picked up a baseball bat at my feet and I flung it as hard as it could. It circle...
LAURA ANDERSON KURK Let me say right now for the record,
I’m still going to be here
asking this world to dan...
ANDREA GIBSON The Gentle Gardener

I'd like to leave but daffodils to mark my little way,
To leave ...
EDGAR A. GUEST From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I cou...
EDGAR ALLAN POE Creatures of the Darkness
BY VICKI JORDAN

It was world of vampires and demons, wher...
CHRIS COLFER Even when I was a very young man,
I was looking for the purpose of life;
I was looking fo...
DEBASISH MRIDHA Standing Here


My entire world far beneath
my feet, I should be filled
wit...
ELLEN HOPKINS The heart itself is only a small vessel,
yet dragons are there, and lions,
there are poisonou...
MAKARIOS THE GREAT The Protocol is simple
...

Each thing is equation of God Complex as first
... DEYTH BANGER I spent millons of years in the world
of inorganic things
as a star, as a rock...
Then I di...
RUMI Based on the law of probability
Everything is possible because
The sheer existence of po...
DEJAN STOJANOVIC When all the world is young, lad,
And all the trees are green;
And every goose a swan, lad, CHARLES KINGSLEY There is only as much space, only as much time,
Only as much desire, only as many words,
DEJAN STOJANOVIC pg.90 of Philosophy in the Flesh: We are basing our argument on the existence of at least three stab...
GEORGE LAKOFF Cast up
the heart flops over
gasping 'Love'

a foolish fish which tries to draw<...
LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There i...
GEORGE GORDON BYRON It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom y...
EDGAR ALLAN POE The 2ams have held my hopes all these years as I calm my nerves down for there would only be three m...
SANHITA BARUAH For I never have seen, and never shall see, that the cessation of the evidence of existence is nece...
WILLIAM DE MORGAN For I never have seen, and never shall see, that the cessation of the evidence of existence is neces...
WILLIAM DE MORGAN Divine Love is the key to all of existence.
Without it, nothing can survive. Every one of us i...
C.MICHELLE GONZALEZ Oh!" cried Anne eagerly, "I hope I do justice to all that is felt by you,
and by those who rese...
JANE AUSTEN Everything we say and do affects people.
It can be either physically or mentally.
Words ca...
HINA YU I do not love.
Love is only for women who are complete.
I cannot love while my heart lac...
JIHAD ELTABEY And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear, JACQUES REVAUX You say I am repeating
Something I have said before. I shall say it again.
Shall I say it...
T.S. ELIOT Confusion has seized us, and all things go wrong,
The women have leaped from their spheres,
A...
MARIA WESTON CHAPMAN Pretty Song"

From the complications of loving you
I think there is no end or return....
MARY OLIVER I ask the impossible: love me forever.
Love me when all desire is gone.
Love me with the s...
ANA CASTILLO There's folly in her stride
that's the rumor
justified by lies
I've seen her up close...
DAVE MATTHES Love is not the answer, peace is. Throughout my whole life I have experienced and seen others use lo...
ALARIC HUTCHINSON Life is like a game of chess.
To win you have to make a move.
Knowing which move to make c...
ALLAN RUFUS It was a pity that there was no radar to guide one across the trackless seas of life. Every man had ...
ARTHUR C. CLARKE String of love


Universe surrounds you
The Saints kneels to you
My freezin...
JHUNMAR SIMILA By respect for life we become religious in a way that is elementary, profound and alive.

...
ALBERT SCHWEITZER Glossa

Time goes by, time comes along,
All is old and all is new;
What is righ...
MIHAI EMINESCU There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
...
STEPHEN SONDHEIM Like a comet pulled from orbit,
As it passes a sun.
Like a stream that meets a boulder, ...
STEPHEN SCHWARTZ The Poet With His Face In His Hands

You want to cry aloud for your
mistakes....
MARY OLIVER In the beginning..
when ray and day hadn't yet come into existence at all,
there was a ki...
TOBA BETA Discipline

I am old and I have had
more than my share of good and bad.

I'...
MERYL GORDON Why shall I speak of the damage of love?
When it rejuvenates me just as much

In love...
ZUBAIR AHSAN Why shall I speak of the damage of love?
When it rejuvenates me just as much

In love...
ZUBAIR AHSAN If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE...
KURT VONNEGUT JR. If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE...
KURT VONNEGUT Poem by Howard A. Walter (Character)

I would be true, for there are those who trust me; JOHN C. MAXWELL I felt loss at every hand. The
loss of self-esteem is a celebrated symptom, and my own sense o...
WILLIAM STYRON HEARTWORK

Each day is born with a sunrise
and ends in a sunset, the same way we
SUZY KASSEM More than nakedness,
for there is no cover to take.
The fire in your eyes
is ringed w...
DONNA GODDARD I will arise and go now,
And go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there,
Of clay ...
W.B. YEATS The fear of God is the only cure for the fear of people.
CRAIG GROESCHEL The Brain - is wider than the Sky -
For - put them side by side -
The one the other will c...
EMILY DICKINSON There is a fable in the forest
Whispered by the branches, as they blow.
A tale about the t...
ERIN HANSON There once was a girl who found herself dead.
She peered over the ledge of heaven
and saw ...
JANDY NELSON O gentle vision in the dawn:
My spirit over faint cool water glides,
Child of the day,
HAROLD MONRO I've written you sixty-seven love poems.
Here’s another one for you.
But really, for me....
KAMAND KOJOURI So word by word, and line by line,
The dead man touch'd me from the past,
And all at once ...
ALFRED TENNYSON

More George Carlin

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they...
GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as bi...
GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W...
GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the
separation of Church and State.
... These two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!
GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso...
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war?
GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ...
GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be...
GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will...
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav...
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la...
GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook
GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h...
GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i...
GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil...
GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t...
GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be...
GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi...
GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than...
GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different....
GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom
GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&...
GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning...
GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning.
GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight...
GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b...
GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish...
GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b...
GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section
GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor
GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ...
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar
GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can...
GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th...
GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach t...
GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c...
GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ...
GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A...
GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.

GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’...
GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ...
GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ...
GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...
GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs
GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking.
GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity
GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a...
GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ...
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi...
GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't...
GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic
GEORGE CARLIN Think about it,
GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and...
GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything
GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.
GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN