To get on TV these days you need to be a young, attractive, lively thing who looks good in front of the camera - never mind if you can't string a proper sentence together.

When I pulled it out he spun around and bit me and I let go of him real fast.

Most movie spin-offs from TV series are doomed to failure because each episode of a series is simply an anecdote, whereas a movie should at least be a short novel - and you can't make a novel out of an anecdote.

If he'd gotten a good bite I'd have been on my way to the hospital.

WHEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE, YOU NEVER HAVE TO HIDE.