To find a friend, one must close one eye; to keep him, two.

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

I can find no room in my cosmos for a deity save as a waste product of human weakness, the excrement of the imagination

Bouillabaisse is only good because cooked by the French, who, if they cared to try, could produce an excellent and nutritious substitute out of cigar stumps and empty matchboxes

You can construct the character of a man and his age not only from what he does and says, but from what he fails to say and do