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Monty Python quote: "Tis but a scratch''A scratch?! Your arm's off!''No, it isn't."
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Tis but a scratch''A scratch?! Your arm's off!''No, it isn't.


Monty Python


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Tis but a scratch!"

"A scratch? Your arm's off!"

"No it isn't."

"Th...
GRAHAM CHAPMAN Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
THE DOORS Romanes eunt domus
LIFE OF BRIAN Always look on the bright side of life. (Monty Python)
MICHAEL PALIN No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad.
ERIC IDLE At the end of Season Four of 'Mr. Show,' instead of doing another season, everyone just thou...
SCOTT AUKERMAN No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not...
ERIC IDLE I love Monty Python, Black Adder, Fawlty Towers. I'm a huge fan of British comedy.
ISLA FISHER I'd grown up loving English films. I was a huge Monty Python fanatic as a kid.
ALESSANDRO NIVOLA You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it lik...
ROBIN WILLIAMS 'Monty Python' is now more recognised by the films than by the TV series.
MARK GATISS The whole idea of creating saints, it's pure 'Monty Python.' They have to clock up two m...
RICHARD DAWKINS If a song is funny and absurd, and it sounds great, it's just going to be that much funnier. And...
SETH MACFARLANE I have a weird sense of humour. My dad's the same. We love watching 'Monty Python' toget...
MIRANDA KERR My mother is British; she's from Shrewsbury. She turned me onto 'Monty Python' very earl...
JASON BATEMAN My dad is into movies, and they let me watch movies. I was obsessed with Monty Python when I was in ...
CHARLIE TAHAN First you must find... another shrubbery! (dramatic chord) Then, when you have found the shrubbery, ...
MONTY PYTHON Comedy. It was just huge in my house. Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness, Monty Python and all those Ja...
MIKE MYERS 'Monty Python' and 'The Simpsons' have ruined comedy for writers for the rest of our...
SCOTT ADSIT As a little kid when I would watch 'Monty Python'... that would just blow me away because it...
REGGIE WATTS I love 'Monty Python,' 'Black Adder,' 'Fawlty Towers.' I'm a huge fan of...
ISLA FISHER I prefer the finesse of French humour. English humour is more scathing, more cruel, as illustrated b...
HELEN MIRREN I love the English. My God, they brought us 'Benny Hill,' 'Monty Python,' 'The O...
SETH MACFARLANE 'Monty Python And The Holy Grail' is a hugely important movie to me. I remember watching it ...
JAMES GUNN Sometimes, especially when it's cold, I get dry skin, so I scratch a lot. I scratch my arms ince...
ZAC EFRON I loved Monty Python for the wordplay--this sense that you didn’t have to squash your intelligence...
GEORGE SAUNDERS I was greatly influenced by 'The Goons' and 'Monty Python' reconstituting what comed...
SANJEEV BHASKAR It isnt a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for.
BENJAMIN MAYS I was pretty much a child of 'Monty Python.' I grew up loving that type of humor and even st...
MICHAEL JAI WHITE Most 'Monty Python' fans are, of course, baby boomers, who have long been a nostalgic lot an...
TERRY TEACHOUT I grew up watching Letterman, 'Seinfeld,' 'SNL,' and Monty Python movies. But nothin...
JOE MANDE I like that feeling of discombobulation that comes in creating an absurd world that doesn't make...
REGGIE WATTS It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?
MONTY PYTHON I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there?
MONTY PYTHON The Castle Aaahhhgggg - our quest is at an end.
MONTY PYTHON No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
MONTY PYTHON The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
MONTY PYTHON We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.
MONTY PYTHON 'What? Ridden on a horse?'
'Yes'
'You're using coconuts!'
'What?'
'You've got two em...
MONTY PYTHON He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone ...
MONTY PYTHON What? Ridden on a horse?''Yes''You're using coconuts!''What?''You've got two empty halves of coconut...
MONTY PYTHON Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out ...
MONTY PYTHON Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Oth...
MONTY PYTHON Of course, it’s a bit of a jump, isn’t it? I mean, er… chartered accountancy to lion taming in...
MONTY PYTHON We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-b...
MONTY PYTHON This is a dead parrot!
MONTY PYTHON “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you… your heads addled with novels and poems. You come home...
MONTY PYTHON Honesty, simplicity and truth are the secret to his comedy,
MONTY PYTHON Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed!
MONTY PYTHON And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three,...
MONTY PYTHON NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and ...
MONTY PYTHON You don't like her??? She's beautiful and rich... and got huge...... tracks of land!
MONTY PYTHON -She turned me into a newt! -A newt?-I got better...
MONTY PYTHON Well she turned me into a newt!""A newt?""I got better...
MONTY PYTHON Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Rogerthe Shrubber. I arrange, design, and...
MONTY PYTHON Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a t...
MONTY PYTHON Dinsdale, He was a nice boy...... He nailed my head to a coffee table.
MONTY PYTHON Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?
MONTY PYTHON Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
MONTY PYTHON I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general...
MONTY PYTHON I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that a...
MONTY PYTHON Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non- existence of God, they have decided to fight fo...
MONTY PYTHON Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!
MONTY PYTHON “Ah, Mr Anchovy! Do sit down.” “Thank you. Take the weight off the feet, eh? Lovely weather fo...
MONTY PYTHON “It was a fantastic success. Over 60 000 times more powerful than Britain’s great pre-war joke, ...
MONTY PYTHON “This morning, shortly after 11 o’clock, comedy struck this little house in Dibbley road. Sudden...
MONTY PYTHON “Hampstead wasn’t good enough for you was it? You had to go poncing off to Barnsley. You and you...
MONTY PYTHON Vikings? There ain’t no vikings here. Just us honest farmers. The town was burning, the villagers ...
MONTY PYTHON There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not
MONTY PYTHON Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
MONTY PYTHON Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestl...
MONTY PYTHON Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by...
MONTY PYTHON And now for something completely different.
MONTY PYTHON I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!
MONTY PYTHON He's not the Messiah - he's a very naughty boy.
MONTY PYTHON Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
MONTY PYTHON Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer u...
MONTY PYTHON He must be a king.Why?He hasn't got shit all over him.
MONTY PYTHON My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white
MONTY PYTHON Always look on the bright side of life.
MONTY PYTHON “It was a fantastic success. Over 60 000 times more powerful than Britain’s great pre-war joke, an...
MONTY PYTHON Opening your mind isnt as simple as opening your eyes.
ANDONI GARCIA 'Tis better to plumb the depths of unity than forever scratch the surface of variety
EMILE ZOLA Remember that film 'Sliding Doors,' when John Hannah woos Gwyneth Paltrow by reciting Monty ...
STEPHEN MERCHANT Monty Python crowd; half of them came from Cambridge, and half of them came from Oxford. But, there ...
ROWAN ATKINSON May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may thei...
KEISHA KEENLEYSIDE 'Pastoralia' by George Saunders. Possibly my favorite book. It's one of the weirdest boo...
LIBBA BRAY As a Jew reading about Jesus, I thought, 'He's a pretty good guy.' It's the same con...
DAVID JAVERBAUM a woman who would steal your love when your love is all you really have isnt much of a woman
JOHNNY DEPP You coward, lay down your arms before your head gets cut off,
HUN SEN Touch my children and I will eat your hands off your arms.
CHARLIE SHEEN Do Not Adjust Your Set ... Monty Python's Flying Circus.
MICHAEL PALIN When you manipulate the truth, it is no long the truth. There is no such thing as a half truth or an...
BOBBY W. MILLER It’s only a scratch, don’t cut my arm off!
CARRIE VAUGHN The basic fact is that no, this isnt ideal. Very few things are. Sometimes, you have to manufacture ...
SARAH DESSEN One question about a joke is, how well is the strangeness of the situation resolved? At 'The New...
ROBERT MANKOFF Everyday isnt good, but there is something good in every day.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN He rams his quill with scandal and with scoff, But 'tis so very foul, it won't go off.
EDWARD YOUNG We took up the offer with the BBC, and that was Monty Python's Flying Circus. I didn't have ...
TERRY GILLIAM It was a childish ignorance, But now 'tis little joy To know I'm further off from heaven ...
THOMAS HOOD

More Monty Python


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It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?
MONTY PYTHON I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there?
MONTY PYTHON The Castle Aaahhhgggg - our quest is at an end.
MONTY PYTHON No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
MONTY PYTHON The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
MONTY PYTHON We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.
MONTY PYTHON 'What? Ridden on a horse?'
'Yes'
'You're using coconuts!'
'What?'
'You've got two em...
MONTY PYTHON He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone ...
MONTY PYTHON What? Ridden on a horse?''Yes''You're using coconuts!''What?''You've got two empty halves of coconut...
MONTY PYTHON Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out ...
MONTY PYTHON Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Oth...
MONTY PYTHON Of course, it’s a bit of a jump, isn’t it? I mean, er… chartered accountancy to lion taming in...
MONTY PYTHON We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-b...
MONTY PYTHON This is a dead parrot!
MONTY PYTHON “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you… your heads addled with novels and poems. You come home...
MONTY PYTHON Honesty, simplicity and truth are the secret to his comedy,
MONTY PYTHON Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed!
MONTY PYTHON And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three,...
MONTY PYTHON NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and ...
MONTY PYTHON You don't like her??? She's beautiful and rich... and got huge...... tracks of land!
MONTY PYTHON -She turned me into a newt! -A newt?-I got better...
MONTY PYTHON Well she turned me into a newt!""A newt?""I got better...
MONTY PYTHON Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Rogerthe Shrubber. I arrange, design, and...
MONTY PYTHON Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a t...
MONTY PYTHON Dinsdale, He was a nice boy...... He nailed my head to a coffee table.
MONTY PYTHON Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?
MONTY PYTHON Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
MONTY PYTHON I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general...
MONTY PYTHON I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that a...
MONTY PYTHON Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non- existence of God, they have decided to fight fo...
MONTY PYTHON Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!
MONTY PYTHON “Ah, Mr Anchovy! Do sit down.” “Thank you. Take the weight off the feet, eh? Lovely weather fo...
MONTY PYTHON “It was a fantastic success. Over 60 000 times more powerful than Britain’s great pre-war joke, ...
MONTY PYTHON “This morning, shortly after 11 o’clock, comedy struck this little house in Dibbley road. Sudden...
MONTY PYTHON “Hampstead wasn’t good enough for you was it? You had to go poncing off to Barnsley. You and you...
MONTY PYTHON Vikings? There ain’t no vikings here. Just us honest farmers. The town was burning, the villagers ...
MONTY PYTHON There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not
MONTY PYTHON Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
MONTY PYTHON Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestl...
MONTY PYTHON Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by...
MONTY PYTHON And now for something completely different.
MONTY PYTHON I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!
MONTY PYTHON First you must find... another shrubbery! (dramatic chord) Then, when you have found the shrubbery, ...
MONTY PYTHON He's not the Messiah - he's a very naughty boy.
MONTY PYTHON Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
MONTY PYTHON Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer u...
MONTY PYTHON He must be a king.Why?He hasn't got shit all over him.
MONTY PYTHON My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white
MONTY PYTHON Always look on the bright side of life.
MONTY PYTHON “It was a fantastic success. Over 60 000 times more powerful than Britain’s great pre-war joke, an...
MONTY PYTHON If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, ...
MONTY ROBERTS I've had it. I did 4,700 episodes. Isn't that enough?
MONTY HALL When the season winds up there is a big sigh of relief, but it doesn't take much of the three months...
MONTY MORROW As I got more successful, I felt it was more incumbent upon me to help the other people. I did more ...
MONTY HALL The thing that Rodney does best is he sets the tempo for the way things are done around here. He's a...
MONTY BEISEL That was a heck of a run.
MONTY STUMBAUGH It doesn?t get any easier all year in the return game. Once they see that early in the year, they?re...
MONTY BEISEL Last year was the first year for the show at Bradley Square Mall and it went over really well. The t...
MONTY MORROW We are losing chairs on almost a daily basis.
MONTY STANSBURY We are trying to avoid that. This chair will accommodate a broad range of employees.
MONTY STANSBURY You're cannon fodder unless you move the ball laterally on these wickets, but we utilized the ball a...
MONTY PANESAR It was my first experience playing with him - and playing with my other team-mates. It was great to ...
MONTY PANESAR It was gut wrenching, ... To come into our house as a 2-1 team and to lose to Diego the way we did, ...
MONTY BEISEL It was gut wrenching. To come into our house as a 2-1 team and to lose to Diego the way we did, I me...
MONTY BEISEL It took us four to five years to build a championship (at Southwestern). I think we've been making s...
MONTY LEWIS We shot ourselves in the foot with some opportunities more or less the whole game.
MONTY LEWIS I can't believe that. Let us win that first game and then we'll talk.
MONTY LEWIS He's everything we need. He doesn't have gaudy numbers, but his only focus is on being the best quar...
MONTY LEWIS I will say, incidentally, he was wide open and might have scored. There wasn't anybody around him. T...
MONTY LEWIS Scott Oakes thinks he's solely responsible for our losing, and he's not.
MONTY LEWIS We finally got some asphalt last week. I think the potholes have been patched so far. But it's still...
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MONTY HALL This season has really gotten off to a good start. The Cleveland Speedway fans and competitors have ...
MONTY MORROW The number of driveways is limited based upon the spacing as they front onto the county roadways. To...
MONTY STANSBURY The crowd chant his name when he comes on to bowl, when he gets on the team bus there are big cheers...
MONTY PANESAR Our defense really came together in that KW game. On both sides of the ball, our line has gotten so ...
MONTY LEWIS I have heard of juror disobedience.
MONTY HORMEL Actually, I'm an overnight success, but it took twenty years.
MONTY HALL Modern life is, for most of us, a kind of serfdom to mortgage, job and the constant assault to consu...
MONTY DON Kansas City wanted me back. I also visited Green Bay and Pittsburgh. But I just felt the opportunity...
MONTY BEISEL I had been riding horses before my memory kicked in, so my life with horses had no beginning. It sim...
MONTY ROBERTS I've had it. I did 4,700 episodes. Isn't that enough?
MONTY HALL Just from a pure motivation standpoint and the way he gets out there and plays the game it's uplifti...
MONTY BEISEL They feel like it was the first time they had a real vote on this issue.
MONTY SALYER I'd like to ask if we can obtain copies of what their needs were then. I'm hoping we will renew that...
MONTY SALYER The expectation was that the only problem with people on welfare was that they didn't have a job. Wh...
MONTY MARTIN The union was aware of the changing business environment even prior to negotiations.
MONTY VEST

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