More Aaron Ambrose

That's 11 babies in a few months.
AARON AMBROSE I have never dealt with anything like this. The level of fraud like this involving people, I have no...
AARON AMBROSE

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE When I go to Rome, I fast on Saturday, but in Milan I do not. Do you also follow the custom of whate...
SAINT AMBROSE It is ingrained in all living creatures, first of all, to preserve their own safety, to guard agains...
SAINT AMBROSE The best way to use the gold of the Redeemer is for the redemption of those in peril.
SAINT AMBROSE Many a sin has sullied me in body and in soul because I did not restrain my thoughts nor guard my li...
SAINT AMBROSE Nothing graces the Christian soul so much as mercy; mercy as shown chiefly towards the poor, that th...
SAINT AMBROSE Take away the contests of the martyrs, and you have taken away their crowns.
SAINT AMBROSE In some causes silence is dangerous.
SAINT AMBROSE God is not accustomed to refusing a good gift to those who ask for one. Since he is good, and especi...
SAINT AMBROSE Let us take refuge from this world. You can do this in spirit, even if you are kept here in the body...
SAINT AMBROSE It is not enough just to wish well; we must also do well.
SAINT AMBROSE One of the duties of fortitude is to keep the weak from receiving injury; another, to check the wron...
SAINT AMBROSE God, who preferred the correction rather than the death of a sinner, did not desire that a homicide ...
SAINT AMBROSE God created the universe in such a manner that all in common might derive their food from it, and th...
SAINT AMBROSE There is nothing evil save that which perverts the mind and shackles the conscience.
SAINT AMBROSE No one is good but God alone. What is good is therefore divine, what is divine is therefore good.
SAINT AMBROSE A kindness received should be returned with a freer hand.
SAINT AMBROSE Where a man's heart is, there is his treasure also.
SAINT AMBROSE When in Rome, live as the Romans do; when elsewhere, live as they live elsewhere.
SAINT AMBROSE

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE I always liked the guys who lasted a long time in the match and had endurance. People like Ric Flair...
DEAN AMBROSE

Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE We played one warm-up gig at this bar that was kinda like that bar in 'The Blues Brothers' w...
LAUREN AMBROSE

Eisenhower had the clearest blue eyes. He would fix them on you. In my every interview with him, he ...
STEPHEN AMBROSE

Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE WWE is like showbiz boot camp.
DEAN AMBROSE

Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE

OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE

ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important th...
AMBROSE REDMOON

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE

You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Photograph is a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than th...
AMBROSE PIERCE

Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based...
STEPHEN AMBROSE

A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE

The flowers anew, returning seasons bring! But beauty faded has no second spring.
AMBROSE PHILIPS

Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE

A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE

A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE

A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE

They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE

As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE

A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE

An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE

Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE

A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE

An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE

An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE

The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE

When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE

To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE

The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE

A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE

ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE

ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE

International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE

DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE

A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE

There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE

FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE

HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE

ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE

One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE

OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE

QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE

When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE

Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE

They said they needed the money to pay bills. It was definitely about money.

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Aaron Ambrose

They said they needed the money to pay bills. It was definitely about money.

Aaron Ambrose

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