These days baseball is different. You come to spring training, you get your legs ready, you arms loose, your agents ready, your lawyer lined up.
Dave Winfield
Related
That's why you practice for a month-and-a-half in spring training. To get ready for (days) like toda...
ALBERT PUJOLS When you walk into that job, it can be a little overwhelming. Getting all your starters lined up, yo...
JOE KERRIGAN
Today if anything is trying to hold you back, give no attention to it. Get your hopes up, get your f...
GERMANY KENT For some reason in Spring Training, everything just clicked. You don't try to do anything in Spring ...
BOBBY BONILLA I have five seniors who don't want it to end. They know it's win or go home. Lose, and you hand in y...
CURT LLOYD For some reason in Spring Training, everything just clicked. You don't try to do anything in Spr...
BOBBY BONILLA
There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be fill...
RUMI Long-time viewing of Internet violence tend to change a person's temperament, making the person pron...
YOU QUANXI If positive and healthy materials are absent, negative materials are sure to be dominant in the cybe...
YOU QUANXI In a robust global business environment, our business units operated well in the first quarter. More...
HARRY YOU The Board of Directors and I are pleased to recognize Peter's outstanding contribution to the succes...
HARRY YOU We are pleased to close the books on 2004 following the painstaking review of almost five years of f...
HARRY YOU You will loose your sense of solitude on days when all the boaters come streaming by,
DOUG ADAMS There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be...
JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI - مولوی It is different (in Florida than) with that team because I think that as a younger player you get mo...
ANIBAL SANCHEZ There are times when your mind isn't ready to go but your body is, and times when your body is r...
BEN ZOBRIST Heck, take the first 10 (minutes). You've got to get out there, get your legs going and be ready.
BARRY SMITH
You must stick to your conviction, but be ready to abandon your assumptions.
DENIS WAITLEY
You can't reach your potential by remaining in a past due season. Your breakthrough is coming. Stron...
GERMANY KENT You have to identify your shot and be 'Push your luck' ready for it.
D. B. SWEENEY You can program it. Set temperatures of water in the morning and when you get up at 7:30, your toile...
HAMID SHOUSHTARI You start to use your hands when you get out of a chair. Your legs just get weaker.
ANNE PETERSON In baseball, you pack your uniform in the clubhouse after a ball game, and you see it hanging up in ...
HARMON KILLEBREW When you're homeless, you got to go to your storage locker, get your clothes for work, come back, sl...
CELESTE KEKOOLANI
Your greatness is directly proportional to how much time you are ready to invest into fulfilling you...
SUNDAY ADELAJA Fix that hair! Close that mind! Repeat after me! Page me the second the old man croaks it! Now, are ...
PAUL MURRAY
Not to be vain, but I have nice long legs, so I like to accentuate them. Find what part of your body...
KHLOE KARDASHIAN Get your passport ready!
JOE CALZAGHE
Prejudice is a disease. And when they come for you, or refuse your worth, I will be ready for their ...
LADY GAGA
If you loose your time, you cannot get mony nor gaine.
GEORGE HERBERT When you're in elementary school, you get these amazing assignments, like to come up with your o...
TONY DITERLIZZI In a job interview, you may be up against nine competitors. Be ready to state your focus more clearl...
ALAN FOX
You must learn to make sure your mind is ready to receive something new
SUNDAY ADELAJA If you can't decide, don't. Wait. The decision will come and it will feel strong when your ready.
JIM GENOVESE
When God is ready for you to move, He will make your situation uncomfortable.
GERMANY KENT
Are you ready to be poured out as an offering? It is an act of your will, not your emotions.
OSWALD CHAMBERS Spring Training doesn't go on the back of your baseball card, but this is one of my plans for the ye...
CONOR JACKSON Make time everyday to quiet your mind. Once your mind is ready, focus on your goals & concentrate. Y...
ROXE A simple warm-up prior to skiing gets the blood flowing, warms the core (muscles) and gets you menta...
ADRIAN CROOK
It doesn't matter how you get your baby, even if it's via FedEx as long as you get to hold your prec...
CINDY MARGOLIS
Your downfall is a preparation for your up-rise. If you don’t know this secret, you will remain on...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR You are ready to play with peoples' money in your political battles. What if after you win your next...
DONALD TUSK Invest in yourself. It's like being a boxer, you've got to be in training so that when the bell ring...
KARL URBAN All your life you wait, and then it finally comes, and are you ready?
ANTHONY DOERR Wow! You better keep your resume ready. Make sure it's updated.
BRIAN ARMSTRONG Are you ready for the God that dwells in your heart ?
ROXANA JONES Television is fast and loose. You have two or three takes to get your part right, and if you have a ...
JOHN HEARD If you wait for your chance you may loose your opportunity.
JAWAR (Brittany) is real funny, loud and outgoing. She can make you laugh to get you in a good mood for yo...
MALLORY VOELKER I feel like a baseball player again. I was physically prepared before I came to Spring Training this...
DANNY GRAVES That's the NBA life for you. You've got no excuses not to be ready - get the smell off your body, ic...
ANDREW BOGUT
Comfort zones are plush lined coffins. When you stay in your plush lined coffins, you die.
STAN DALE Riding uses so many different muscles. I ride two to three horses a day, and I ride almost every day...
CHARLOTTE CASIRAGHI
These days you must be feeling tired and your legs must be paining...Dont worry,...Its only because ...
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN That's the job of playing quarterback. You have to take your shots. You've got to get up from it and...
BYRON LEFTWICH His M.O. is to spring from behind you and what he does is wrap himself around your legs and he bites...
JANET KETTMAN Baseball is a craft and you have to work at it, you can't just push the button and be ready to go. T...
DAVE PLOOF
Face your financial issues head on. Open your bills, pick up the phone, call your lender. If applica...
JEAN CHATZKY
When the New York Times scratches its head, get ready for total baldness as you tear out your hair.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you.
WILLIAM BLAKE
Always be ready to speak your mind and a base man will avoid you.
WILLIAM BLAKE Looking for peace is like looking for a turtle with a mustache: You won't be able to find it. But wh...
AJAHN CHAH What the schedule says is what you have to do. You have to deal with it. Coming out of spring traini...
JIM TRACY
So long as you are ready to die for humanity, the life of your country is immortal.
GIUSEPPE MAZZINI
So long as you are ready to die for humanity, the life of your country is immortal
GIUSEPPE MAZZINI We knew coming into the game that their defense was going to be right up into our face. You can't le...
DALLAS RICHTER You have to be real careful with legs. When they tell me he's ready, I give it three or four more da...
GRADY LITTLE
If you're not ready to die for it, put the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary.
MALCOLM X
Happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you. It will never come. Bu...
WILLIAM BENNETT
If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will ...
PAT RILEY I used to catch enough in three or four days for a month. These days, you pull your heart and soul t...
HARRY ALLEN Spring has come when you can put your foot on three daisies
PROVERB
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unle...
JOHNNY CARSON Imagine this:
Ice is coming to YOUR house.
Can you HEAR it knocking?
Are you ready? CORNELIA CONNIE D. DEDONA Get your work in, do what you need do, and get back up top. I'm a little bit behind the curve as...
RYAN HOWARD Stop giving up on opportunities just because you 'think' you're not ready. Stepping out of your comf...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
When the whole world is against you and all you know seems lost. Know that God is right there standi...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS You may be feeling a little anxious, as you get ready to start your classes, but you need to know th...
FRANK DEANGELIS As far as sleeping goes, you're up and ready to go at six in the morning. Spring training was al...
LOU BOUDREAU I'm a little upset, yeah. You're used to playing and then you don't, it breaks your routine. Other t...
MICHAEL SWEETNEY There is no other art in which you are your own artistic tool. It is so full. You use your body, you...
LAURA THOMASSON It's kind of like a ready-made party. You go out, you get some fresh air, get your little bit of exe...
LINDA POWELL Within 1.5 seconds you have to be up and going with your elbows locked and your arms pumping.
MATT FLETCHER Through the long duration of the season, there are going to be injuries and lineup changes. If you s...
TONY BATTIE
Are you ready to have your mind blown apart by the most awesome show in the universe. ... Tonight is...
JACK BLACK And then," Darren continues dizzily, "when we've come, I'll keep you open with my fingers, keep you ...
DOMINIQUE FROST
There is no way to your personal joy if you hand over the keys to someone who is not ready to open t...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
Where your will is ready, your feete are light.
GEORGE HERBERT
Coming to spring training and filling three spots in your starting rotation is not good. I don't car...
FRANK ROBINSON You must have reason to die for something. You have to be ready to travel earth to make your reason ...
DR. SHAILESH THAKER You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed there has never been another chi...
PAU (PABLO) CASALS Any time you have an injury with your legs -- you use your legs for everything, to field, throw, to ...
ARAMIS RAMIREZ Those who used stand on your shoulders for support, now they are ready to stand on your neck and dep...
OLASOT I'm just trying to stay ready if they need me. This is what you wait for in your career.
GLENN ROBINSON With the old costumes you always went down on your knees to talk to the kids. Now we just wave to th...
ANDREA BRANDT
Your job as a baseball player is to come to the park ready to play every day, and the manager, it...
CAL RIPKEN, JR. I have a to-go bag that I keep ready with my uniform and supplies. You hope the call doesn't come - ...
DR. DAVID GROSSMAN Yesterday can no longer hear you,tomorrow will not hear you either,but today is your obedient servan...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) You should tie up these loose ends a year or two before retiring. Don't wait until the last minute t...
JOHN CHALLENGER
Are you ready to cut off your head and place your foot on it? If so, come; Love awaits you! Love is ...
ABU HAMID AL-GHAZZALI
More Dave Winfield
Everyone has a breaking point, turning point, stress point, the game is permeated with it. The fans ...
DAVE WINFIELD To give you an idea what it feels like to be going in with some of the best baseball players of all-...
DAVE WINFIELD You know, heroes are ordinary people that have achieved extraordinary things in life.
DAVE WINFIELD People I look to: again, Hank Aaron, man you challenged the status quo and the records of the game. ...
DAVE WINFIELD There are a lot of people who influenced me, nurtured me, helped me along the way. But I can just re...
DAVE WINFIELD All though I didn't meet him. His legend and his saga and his story is just that. Jackie Robinso...
DAVE WINFIELD You have to go understand that life and baseball is littered with all kinds of obstacles and problem...
DAVE WINFIELD He didn't bask in fame or glory or the money he made. He relished in the notion that a little short ...
DAVE WINFIELD Baseball realizes it's not the only game in town. You have to do these kinds of things to introduce ...
DAVE WINFIELD Everyone has a breaking point, turning point, stress point, the game is permeated with it. The fans ...
DAVE WINFIELD I never had to cheat, I get them with what I got.
DAVE WINFIELD Good hitters don't just go up and swing. They always have a plan. Call it an educated deduction. You...
DAVE WINFIELD Tom Cruise only makes one or two film appearances a year. A baseball player can be the hero or the g...
DAVE WINFIELD The only players that are having fun are those having a good year, feasting on pitching or blowing d...
DAVE WINFIELD He was the first person I met in pro ball because we both wore a size 14 shoe. He had interesting co...
DAVE WINFIELD It won't taint (his memory). Leave it alone.
DAVE WINFIELD The Yankees won the pennant, we went on to the World Series, 41 years after that in the city of Toro...
DAVE WINFIELD You know, many of you kids can't relate to what it takes to get to the top rung, the top of the ...
DAVE WINFIELD There is no way, believe me, despite my name being Winfield, and loving the game dearly. It wasn'...
DAVE WINFIELD To the people out there, baseball is a simple sport. But it is complex. It is never easy.
DAVE WINFIELD I chose baseball because to me baseball is the best game of all.
DAVE WINFIELD And I found out, the other part of it is that I found out and in my desire to life successfully, tha...
DAVE WINFIELD You have to be like a clock spring, wound but not loose at the same time.
DAVE WINFIELD But I'll tell you this, it started with my mother. I have to give her. God bless her and rest he...
DAVE WINFIELD The people like the American Legion Post that gave us a chance to play. A place to play and a chance...
DAVE WINFIELD The sooner I get into the Hall of Fame the better.
DAVE WINFIELD I am truly sorry that a fowl of Canada is no longer with us.
DAVE WINFIELD Now it's on to May, and you know about me and May.
DAVE WINFIELD He's a leader out there on the field. His team is going to go how he goes. If he's having a good gam...
ANTOINE WINFIELD We didn't play well at all. Our offense gave us enough points to come out with a win. What hurt was ...
ANTOINE WINFIELD Once we got hit in the mouth, we didn't know how to react. Coming in, they were the No. 1-rushing te...
ANTOINE WINFIELD We could have easily folded. I mean, we're 1-4, we haven't been playing well, and we're down 17-0 at...
ANTOINE WINFIELD You put pressure on him, and he gets happy feet back there. Then he's not as accurate. I think I wou...
ANTOINE WINFIELD I really don't understand why they did that. He's a heck of a player. I understand the salary cap an...
ANTOINE WINFIELD We didn't expect to be 1-3 at this point. But the good thing is, it's still a long season, and we're...
ANTOINE WINFIELD It's tough to win in this league. We knew the situation. They had the No. 2 seed in the NFC locked u...
ANTOINE WINFIELD For me, when I'm on the field, all I think about is what happening on the field. That's my outlet, t...
ANTOINE WINFIELD I think we need to blitz and contain. Make sure we hold the edges. He's such a good athlete that, ev...
ANTOINE WINFIELD We want to make sure it is on everybody's radar while the session is just beginning.
BRIAN WINFIELD I think Albert's coming forward is incredibly courageous, and a rarity, if not a first. It's been pa...
BRIAN WINFIELD We walked away with the expectation that charges would be forthcoming. I'm convinced that he (Ober) ...
BRIAN WINFIELD We see it as a desperate attempt by a gubernatorial candidate who is behind in the polls and has mis...
BRIAN WINFIELD There has been a whole new level of interaction. I have not seen the gay and lesbian community activ...
BRIAN WINFIELD Caterpillar dun' become butterfly-caterpillar die so butterfly can be. A new thing. We all must let ...
RYAN WINFIELD With the guys that we have ... there's no reason not to play man-to-man and get after the quarterbac...
ANTOINE WINFIELD We feel bad for the Saints, but we're in a bad situation at 0-2. We can't go 0-3. A win cures everyt...
ANTOINE WINFIELD It was tough. We didn't make the plays to get off the field and the offense didn't make plays to kee...
ANTOINE WINFIELD There were definitely packages that we didn't even use last year. We have a lot more talent, a lot m...
ANTOINE WINFIELD We've been real basic. I mean first and second down, a lot of zone. We might mix in a man-to-man eve...
ANTOINE WINFIELD I know they were one play away from making the playoffs last year, ... Hopefully with my addition, I...
ANTOINE WINFIELD When it came down to it, I just wasn't ready. I didn't want to rush,
ANTOINE WINFIELD Brave rifles, veterans, you have been baptized in fire and blood and have come out steel!
WINFIELD SCOTT Say to the seceded States: "Wayward sisters depart in peace."
WINFIELD SCOTT We're really starting to see Microsoft gear up. Of course, the company was asleep at the wheel for a...
CHRIS WINFIELD Alyssa had been working for an art source in Southern California as their Northern California repres...
CHRIS WINFIELD I forgive him and like water draining from the sand after a wave, the power he held over me disappea...
RYAN WINFIELD My politics are of a practical kind - the integrity of the country, the supremacy of the Federal gov...
WINFIELD SCOTT HANCOCK only way to maximize potential for performance is to be calm in the mind.
BRIAN WINFIELD SIPE
I do still get shocked every once in a while when I catch my reflection when I'm walking past a ...
DAVE MATTHEWS Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But...
DAVE ATTELL
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY Instead of sailing off into the sunset, he hopes to sail into the next century.
DAVE ANDERSON
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
DAVE BARRY
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY I never excelled at one sport or had a very strong passion for anything other than wrestling and bod...
DAVE BAUTISTA A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are t...
DAVE ATTELL
As an individual, I think you have to find your own path. I like the simplicity and purity of Hindui...
DAVE DAVIES I had a few brushes with death, where I nearly chose to go. The final one in 1996 did it for me. I s...
DAVE GAHAN The important thing to remember is that bugs don't actually talk.
DAVE FOLEY
When people get disillusioned and get insecure and content about the future, they tend to brood abou...
DAVE DAVIES Jazz isn't dead yet. It's the underpinning of everything in this country. Whether it's a...
DAVE BRUBECK
And that's actually the brunt of what we do is, people going straight from their workplace, stra...
DAVE EGGERS That's country music for you - bourbon and the Bible.
DAVE HAYWOOD
So this is the space during tutoring hours. It's very busy. Same principles: one-on-one attentio...
DAVE EGGERS
You can do and use the skills that you have. The schools need you. The teachers need you. Students a...
DAVE EGGERS
The Left likes to think of itself as the bulwark of progressive liberal individualism, and yet it se...
DAVE BRAT
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY A standard sitcom... is a very standard idea, like these people falling in love and living with each...
DAVE FINKEL Standing out as a writer today requires more than a bright idea and limpid prose. Authors need to be...
DAVE MORRIS Empire Square production finishes in about a month's time, so at the moment, right now, I'm ...
DAVE ROWNTREE
It is criminal to put our servicemen and women in harm's way and to put the lives of so many civ...
DAVE MATTHEWS We don't have enough people going into those fields and there is a high burnout rate in some hea...
DAVE OBEY
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
DAVE BARRY
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i...
DAVE BARRY I go to see some big shows of other bands, and I feel like I'm so bombarded and over-stimulated ...
DAVE GAHAN I'm tired of high policy talks. I want to focus on nuts and bolts.
DAVE FREUDENTHAL
The thing that will never go away is that connection you make with a band or a song where you're...
DAVE GROHL I played a homosexual bodyguard in 'The Last Detective,' and that was quite a pleasure to do...
DAVE LEGENO
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY The baby boomer surge is forcing society to face decisions about costs - and particularly what is va...
DAVE DEBRONKART Granted, a long book can be as daunting as a hard one. I nearly reached for 'Game of Thrones'...
DAVE MORRIS Joy comes from places you least expect it. It's usually the simple things, like watching my son ...
DAVE GAHAN
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY The waves of love roll throughout the Universe, and overflow in our hearts..
Everything is ONE!
DAVE ZEBIAN
I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY
I'm so alive.
As I stand facing the beauty of the never-ending Pacific Ocean, a late afte...
DAVE PELZER 'Breaking Bad' and 'The Shield' were planned right from the start so that their narr...
DAVE MORRIS
I found there's a fairly blatant racism in America that's already there, and I don't thi...
DAVE MATTHEWS I want to make hand-held music, undiminished by the need to make everybody in the world listen at on...
DAVE SITEK We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.
DAVE FARBER
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY
There just isn’t enough cock in this world to be caught suckin’ and be called anything but a slu...
DAVE MATTHES
...you're either gonna spend your life fucking pussy, or taking it to church.
DAVE MATTHES
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY
That’s what books do. They are the building blocks, the DNA, if you will, of you. Think of everyth...
DAVE EGGERS
I will not wait to love as best as I can. We thought we were young and that there would be time to l...
DAVE EGGERS
Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
DAVE BARRY
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
DAVE BARRY
The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ...
DAVE BARRY
It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
DAVE BARRY
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY
Books have a unique way of stopping time in a particular moment and saying: Let’s not forget this.
DAVE EGGERS
Wake up naked drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing...
DAVE MATTHEWS
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY
Can you imagine the reaction of a British tabloid newspaper if they found a small school in rural En...
DAVE GORMAN
We have advantages. We have a cushion to fall back on. This is abundance. A luxury of place and time...
DAVE EGGERS
How could I have been anyone other than me?
DAVE MATTHEWS
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit...
DAVE BARRY
As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, ...
DAVE PARNAS
Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading.
DAVE STORER
Giving half answers won't make the conversation half as long.
DAVE JOHNSON
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
DAVE BARRY
A theme is a memory aid, it helps you through the presentation just as it also provides the thread o...
DAVE CAREY
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be...
DAVE BARRY
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
DAVE BARRY
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ...
DAVE BARRY
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ...
DAVE BARRY
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BERRY
Anything done for the first time unleashes a demon.
DAVE SIM
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ...
DAVE BARRY
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
DAVE BARRY
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer...
DAVE BARRY
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa...
DAVE BARRY
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
DAVE BARRY
New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
DAVE BARRY
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu...
DAVE BARRY
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute...
DAVE BARRY If you can't excell with talent, triumph with effort.
DAVE WEINBAUM
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY Our environmental problems originate in the hubris of imagining ourselves as the central nervous sys...
DAVE FOREMAN
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
DAVE BARRY
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
DAVE BARRY
We are not meant to know everything, Mae. Did you ever think that perhaps our minds are delicately c...
DAVE EGGERS
You sit at a desk twelve hours a day and you have nothing to show for it except some numbers that wo...
DAVE EGGERS
It’s not that I’m not social. I’m social enough. But the tools you guys create actually manufa...
DAVE EGGERS Even in a country like the USA where fitness has become an obsession, most people exercising do not ...
DAVE WILSON
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi...
DAVE BARRY
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.
DAVE CHECKETT
You can't choose what you're famous for in life.
DAVE KELLETT
The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dic...
DAVE KELLETT A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple lea...
DAVE MEURER
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
The future is no place to place your better days.
DAVE MATTHEWS
Nothing can do what a book can do. Lifts you out of your life... to a whole new world, whole new per...
DAVE KELLETT
I was trying to make the web more civil. I was trying to make it more elegant. I got rid of anonymit...
DAVE EGGERS
Gang violence in America is not a sudden problem. It has been a part of urban life for years, offeri...
DAVE REICHERT It's all very boring to say that we get along great and all that and sometimes we mock up come a...
DAVE EDMUNDS
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY