There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
Garrison Keillor
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ELLEN DEGENERES
More Garrison Keillor
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GARRISON KEILLOR I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.
GARRISON KEILLOR I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
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GARRISON KEILLOR A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go throu...
GARRISON KEILLOR Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for th...
GARRISON KEILLOR Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
GARRISON KEILLOR The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his son...
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GARRISON KEILLOR It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning thei...
GARRISON KEILLOR Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no t...
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GARRISON KEILLOR The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.
GARRISON KEILLOR A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roa...
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GARRISON KEILLOR You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
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GARRISON KEILLOR They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on ...
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GARRISON KEILLOR I want to resume the life of a shy person.
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GARRISON KEILLOR Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at somethin...
GARRISON KEILLOR one of the amazing experiences of my young life.
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GARRISON KEILLOR All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in ...
GARRISON KEILLOR Be more funny! Be more funny!
GARRISON KEILLOR A Democrat in a red state? ... Were you elected, or is this a divine miracle?
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GARRISON KEILLOR May his soul be forever tormented by fire - And his bones be dug up by dogs - And dragged through th...
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GARRISON KEILLOR The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose
GARRISON KEILLOR Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average.
GARRISON KEILLOR Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up
GARRISON KEILLOR That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and...
GARRISON KEILLOR Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.
GARRISON KEILLOR That's the news from Lake Woebegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, an...
GARRISON KEILLOR When NASA started sending up astronauts, they discovered that ballpoint pens don’t work in zero gr...
GARRISON KEILLOR Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you ...
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GARRISON KEILLOR I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock centr...
GARRISON KEILLOR It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
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GARRISON KEILLOR Powder Milk biscuits: Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of the biscuit on the...
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GARRISON KEILLOR A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a...
GARRISON KEILLOR Let's do the nuances,
GARRISON KEILLOR I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Clois...
GARRISON KEILLOR I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough a...
GARRISON KEILLOR A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them...
GARRISON KEILLOR He takes a kitchen chair and sits in the yard and all the ducks come around. He holds up the cheese ...
GARRISON KEILLOR Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
GARRISON KEILLOR To be a good actor you have to feel life and observe life.
LANE GARRISON I always received much more satisfaction as a defense attorney in obtaining an acquittal for a clien...
JIM GARRISON I derive no pleasure from prosecuting a man, even though I know he's guilty; do you think I coul...
JIM GARRISON The head of the CIA, it seems to me, would think long and hard before he admitted that former employ...
JIM GARRISON This kind of charge reveals a good deal about the personality of the people who make it; to impute s...
JIM GARRISON I'm not in the business of harassing anybody.
JIM GARRISON It's rather naive, apart from being ethically objectionable, to assume that our investigators tr...
JIM GARRISON My office has been one of the most scrupulous in the country with regard to the protection of indivi...
JIM GARRISON It is important to know who killed Jack Kennedy and why.
JIM GARRISON Until as recently as November of 1966, I had complete faith in the Warren Report. Of course, my fait...
JIM GARRISON It has been my policy not to respond to each of the many canards which have been part of the campaig...
JIM GARRISON It would certainly be interesting to know what the CIA knew about Oswald six weeks before the assass...
JIM GARRISON I'm convinced from what I know of Vernon Bundy that his testimony was truthful.
JIM GARRISON I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of nationa...
JIM GARRISON Gene Hackman is one of the great American actors of all time.
LANE GARRISON I'm originally from Dallas, Texas, where Bonnie and Clyde were from, so when I was a little kid,...
LANE GARRISON If you speak to anyone who's ever done time, the fact that you make it out of there alive is a m...
LANE GARRISON One of the things about jail that's weird is that you're sent to a place where you're su...
LANE GARRISON I have much to say about the pain I've felt and seen inside of prison. It has been an eye-openin...
LANE GARRISON In the end, crime doesn't pay.
LANE GARRISON Bonnie and Clyde were almost like a modern-day Robin Hood, stealing 'the government's money....
LANE GARRISON I grew up learning from a father who said, 'When you make a mistake or you make a bad decision, ...
LANE GARRISON The hardest habit of all to break is the terrible habit of happiness.
THEODOSIA GARRISON A positive attitude can really make dreams come true -- it did for me.
ZINA GARRISON All the charges you enumerate have been made with one purpose in mind-to place our office on the def...
JIM GARRISON Use the water of encouragement on someone else's flowers - especially the flowers that are wilted, t...
HANNAH GARRISON To those who don't want the truth about Kennedy's assassination to become known, the very re...
JIM GARRISON The grand jury, composed of 12 eminent New Orleans citizens, heard our evidence and indicted the def...
JIM GARRISON The CIA could not face up to the American people and admit that its former employees had conspired t...
JIM GARRISON I know the one thing she'd want us to be doing is laughing.
BOB GARRISON I think it's nice for the volunteers of this area, that recognition means something to all the peopl...
BOB GARRISON The high school drawings are being finished up in our office as we speak. The high school job will b...
BOB GARRISON When you think about it, these budgets were formulated a year in a half ago and we're living with th...
BOB GARRISON We are in an environment where we can't afford everything, but there are some choices.
BOB GARRISON We weren't happy with that so our recommendation to the board was to reject those bids.
BOB GARRISON I can sympathize with them. Because I know, you know, every time I look at the benefits I had, they'...
BILL GARRISON I think she'll bring a whole new look, a whole new feel to this place.
BILL GARRISON All of their 1040 information was in the hands of these crooks.
BILL GARRISON We're getting evidence that really depicts organized crime. They really deserve more potent charges.
BILL GARRISON No one has had the capability of getting into computers to find out the extent before. (We'll find) ...
BILL GARRISON Research shows that early literacy is critical. Students who come from more affluent, better educate...
BILL GARRISON At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
Back to their quiet graves below.
THEODOSIA GARRISON It was the closest time in our department where firemen risked their lives. It was the most impressi...
DAVID GARRISON We didn't come out ready to play. They're a good team and well coached, and you're not going to beat...
GREG GARRISON There's a reason Cory Davis is getting a Division I scholarship. He's a difference maker, not only f...
GREG GARRISON They were really physical inside and pushed us away from the basket. We didn't get the ball inside l...
GREG GARRISON Our defensive presence was there ? they had 23 turnovers. Our (turnovers) came in stretches that led...
GREG GARRISON That's kind of their trademark, to play hard and apply pressure. I think we came out a little timid ...
GREG GARRISON We managed to hang on. We didn't do a good job of putting them away when we could have.
GREG GARRISON We're not looking forward to that trip, to be honest with you.
GREG GARRISON One of the big benefits is getting our kids away from home, sharing (motel) rooms. The camaraderie, ...
GREG GARRISON The encouraging thing is we got better each game. It was a great team effort.
GREG GARRISON I'm really proud of our kids and their defensive effort. We held them to seven in the fourth quarter...
GREG GARRISON I believe comedy should be a resource to promote social change instead of regression. I can't say en...
LAURA GARRISON Hurricanes affect us terribly. If we have a bad hurricane season it'll take away from everything I d...
BETSY GARRISON The clothing is about sun protection and of course we have beer can island shorts.
BETSY GARRISON We had the best January through March period in the history of owning our own business.
BETSY GARRISON You never know what's going to happen. We're not going to rehearse -- we're just going to wing it.
GARRISON STARR When I first started at KJHK it was this exalted entity to me. It was like I had finally found somet...
KYLE GARRISON We don't have enough deodorant, so we'll add that later.
DAVID GARRISON I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national se...
JIM GARRISON I'm not able to cry yet, ... I lost a son and a wonderful daughter-in-law, but I can't cry. I want t...
JIM GARRISON I want to keep it diverse, but not to the point of alienating our listeners. If it's a really good l...
KYLE GARRISON Lindsay and Serena are my singles players, ... Venus agreed to come, but knows she might not be play...
ZINA GARRISON Martina Navratilova is an incredible person who has done so much for our sport. Venus and Serena are...
ZINA GARRISON It's very pretty here. The stadium is very intimate and the court plays great. The hospitality is gr...
ZINA GARRISON We're not doing anything new with Snort. What we're doing is Snort with high speed and low latency, ...
STEVE GARRISON Substantial interest already has been expressed, both from Petaluma firms and some outside the area.
DOUG GARRISON We are adding parking and a signal at the south entrance of the campus, but as we've seen with the n...
DOUG GARRISON Hit television show American Idol is the perfect example of this. Thousands of hopefuls sing their h...
DOUG GARRISON This is a monumental step for Santa Rosa Junior College, because it is a direct statement that it is...
DOUG GARRISON When we surveyed students about their interests and needs, they expressed a lot of support for the u...
DOUG GARRISON It will be a process. The heart and soul of our college is our faculty, and we've already found a qu...
DOUG GARRISON I'm genuinely excited about what we'll be able to do to better serve the community. At the same time...
DOUG GARRISON Lately I can't help wanting us
to be like other people.
For example, if I were a smoker, DEBORAH GARRISON It would be a challenge even for the Delaware Theater Company to do a show like this.
DENVER GARRISON I don't know if he could or not. He could try.
DENVER GARRISON Gas prices are too high. Something should be done about it.
DENVER GARRISON Selfish people try to keep or get things but they loose people
HANNAH GARRISON A guest from company A could possibly hack into a conference held by company B, their competitor, st...
DAVID GARRISON That smacks of bribery. He just opens himself up to misusing his money. This is the quintessential r...
GARRISON NELSON The superstars have landed. This is a clear sign that the Democrats know how important this Senate r...
GARRISON NELSON It's just more of a grass-roots approach. It's fans taking matters into their own hands and making g...
GARRISON STARR The cats are terrible. Out of every 10, nine are scratching and biting and hissing.
JANE GARRISON I've been bitten, scratched, had [my] head cracked open.
JANE GARRISON The suffering is overwhelming. Sometimes they have food left, but all their water is gone. Every sec...
JANE GARRISON We feel very betrayed in regards to
them taking our money and giving the administrators a raise.
JANNA GARRISON They're taking our money and giving it to the principals.
JANNA GARRISON It's taking our money that we're sacrificing ... and they're giving the administrators up to an 11 p...
JANNA GARRISON We should be able to work together, but the only way you can work together is with integrity and tru...
JANNA GARRISON Our goal was to be in the top ten and nobody gave us a prayer. (Eighth place) isn't to bad for a tea...
JACK GARRISON (Reese) came out here and beat all the good kids. What a tournament both of them had.
JACK GARRISON He's a tough kid. You have to want to beat the hell out of the kid; that's the attitude you need.
JACK GARRISON We needed a few more pins, they pinned us more than we pinned them and that hurt us. But I'm proud o...
JACK GARRISON I tell you what, we set a team goal to win the region and I think the team did everything they could...
JACK GARRISON This is not about money. This is about the judicial system gone awry. This is about two jurors being...
LARRY GARRISON Right now I have the whole world converging on me to do interviews. I have a major (TV) network that...
LARRY GARRISON As far as I know I'm doing a book with him on the Jackson trial. All I can say is that he is a chara...
LARRY GARRISON As far as I know I'm doing a book with him on the Jackson trial.
LARRY GARRISON These books are going to rock the nation. Elly and Ray are two of the three jurors who initially vot...
LARRY GARRISON