There's no one, no one, loves you like yourself.

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.

To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of mattress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.