There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

If I had to go out there and surf, that would be a problem. But you know, it's just comedy.

I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.

I put the team through a lot of hell ever since I've been with them but they never gave up on me, ... Zippy didn't want to win it the way we did in 2002. It was nice to do it and do it right.

Dostoyevsky described hell as perhaps nothing more than a room with a chair in it. This room has several chairs. A young man sits in one.

He was in hell for 12 years and purgatory for 13. He's been denied opportunities in life ... jobs, housing opportunities, friends have shunned him, neighbors have looked at him. ... He's spent more than half his life tainted in this shroud of guilt.